17 Things I Learnt in 2017

1. To Lead Is To Serve: Forget the shenanigans we call leadership in this turf. To lead is to really serve and in this you will learn humility, patience, tenacity and care. This year, I had the opportunity of assuming leadership in the Toastmasters club, a senior position to lead a young professionals network, and leadership role in two other networks and it has been a great learning experience in service.

2. Your Health is Priority: This was a profound lesson I learnt from one of my supervisors at work this year. The reality is that you need to be healthy to have dreams, to help others and to be good in your job. Your health should be a priority and it should never be at the mercy of anything. Look after yourself; that is the first law of wealth.

3. Stretch Your Capacity: There is much more we can all do but we will never know if we don’t try. They say you begin to grow at the end of your comfort zone, and nothing can be truer. In life, in business and at work, don’t be shy to take on new challenges. It helps your capacity in the long run.

4. Follow God’s Guidance Quickly: In the things of God it will be futility to try and fully comprehend it with the human senses. First you must hone your spiritual senses to recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit and when he gives you an instruction, don’t over process it, just do it. This year, I gave God when I didn’t plan to and he led me to makes decisions I didn’t anticipate. It will all make sense at the end.

5. Genuinely Care: As I grew in leadership this year I understood that people do not care how much you know if they can’t see that you care. People will give you their best when they see that you genuinely care beyond lip service, and this was one of my salient lessons this year.

6. The Power Of Journaling: Write your thoughts, your memory is unreliable. It is amazing how writing my goals across some broad headings at the beginning of the year helped me towards their attainment during the year. Always carry a note pad, and cultivate the art of journaling. It makes you far more effective and will come in handy in the future.

7. Listen More: A study say that 80% of us listen with the intent to respond or find holes in what is being said. This year, I learnt the art of just listening with the purpose of understanding and appreciating what is being said. I have always maintained that one doesn’t always have to hold an opinion on everything. At times, it’s just fine to listen to others.

8. It Is What It Is: They say if you live very long enough in life you will know that moving on, is the greatest gift. I moved on quickly this year from many things (good and not so good). My friend will say you either win or you learn. If you failed an exam, move on. If you lost a loved one, move on. If you won the most prestigious award in life, move on. Don’t fight what is gone and don’t lament over what you cannot change. At times, just realize that it is what it is and cue the next step.

9. The Concept of Sparring Partner: It was TD Jakes who once preached a sermon titled ‘Sparring Partner’ and I learnt a lot from it. In life, there are battles God leave you to wrestle with. This sparring partner is not there to defeat you, but it’s there to keep you humble, to help you depend on him always and stop you from being carried away.

10. You Will Make Bad Decisions: There is no two ways about it. You will make mistakes and bad choices in the course of life. The wisdom is to make ‘more’ better decisions than you will make the bad ones. It is on this fine line that success and failure is determined.

11. A Strong Support System: We all need shoulders to lean on. This year more than ever before I learnt of the importance of having a strong support system. This could be family, friends that stick more than family, mentors, pastors etc. Identify who yours are and feed that relationship for when you will require it (for you sure will at some point).

12. Seek Better Ways: This year, I once read somewhere that continuous improvement is an unending search to find better ways. And this can be in the little things. In your everyday life, seek better ways and always strive to add additional value to anything you are involved in. This is what it means to be different.

13. Don’t Take Anything To Heart: You will only hurt yourself and stay depressed if you take things to heart. This year, I learnt to simply give people the benefit of the doubt and move on. There are many things I have simply learnt to laugh off. Forgive people where you can and move away from un-necessary drama as much as you can.

14. Social Media Is A Stress Relaxant: Boy oh boy! This year, I discovered social media in a whole new light. After a long day’s work, I simply get home, do what needs to be done and spend some time on social media (Instagram and Facebook especially). There are so many hilarious skits and funny handles to crack you up. I can’t even begin to name them. Trust me, it is a bloody stress relaxant.

15. Pursue Excellence: It was Martin Luther King Jnr who said that ‘If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well’. Nothing further to add here.

16. People Are Watching: You by the way you are living your life are impacting the people around you. Be measured, be contrite, be open to new ideas and don’t be ashamed to be vulnerable. You never know who you are helping to go through life just by the way you are living your life.

17. Don’t Waste Time; Be Deliberate: Those close to me must have heard me lament about the paucity of time. The damn thing is just in short supply each day *smiles*. It is for this reason that we must be deliberate about where and what we spend our time on. This year I learnt that this is the big difference between successful and average people.

Those are my life lessons from 2017. Will like to hear your thoughts too. Kindly drop a comment below.

Imo State and the Shenanigans of Leadership!

He was once touted to be the torchbearer of the Igbo nation, the liberator of a people on the fringes and the finest of his kind out of the Ndigbo breed. But, as they say, if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. The Imo State governor, Rochas Okorocha has been in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. One could spare him if his action was a one-off and could be excused as a gaffe made by a man of excesses. Yet, his case is one of pattern. He continues to relish in the ridiculous and has never failed to sink into new depths of scorn.

First, he began a crusade of erecting statues of African leaders (Jacob Zuma and Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf of South Africa and Liberia respectively). When quizzed on this, the governor reply was ‘I erect statue to immortalise people so that children yet unborn can know about them. History is dying in Africa, we must keep it alive. In the next 100 years, most of us would not be alive but this will stand for children to see. If leaders are not immortalised, there will be no history for children.’ While this sounds like a plausible rationale on the surface, you only need to scratch the surface to flaw his argument. First off, the jury is still out to see whether the statues will even survive for 10 years, talk more of a century. However, the chief criticism of this gesture has been the choices of those to immortalize. Charity bloody begins at home. There is a litany of Nigerian men and women (dead and alive) who have been stalwarts of our history. If at all tax payers money should be used in erecting statues, it shouldn’t be that of a Jacob Zuma who has been bedeviled with incessant corruption cases. It is true that there is a dearth of historical knowledge among today’s youth but there is a better way to correct the malady. Start by reviving the study of history in Imo state, and make the subject compulsory for all at various levels. In addition, he should be the trailblazer in allocating more to historical research and equipping public libraries in his state (that is assuming there is any). History should be primarily be immortalized in our minds and not in things.

Okorocha’s madness did not stop here. Only recently, he appointed his biological sister as “Commissioner for Happiness and Couples’ Fulfillment”. This was in addition to 28 new commissioners and 27 Transition Committee Chairmen for the 27 local government councils in the state. The Chief Press Secretary to the Governor, Sam Onwuemeodo, said the typographic error led to the naming of the Ministry as the Ministry of Happiness and Couples Fulfilment. It is now called Ministry of Happiness and Purpose Fulfilment. The statement went on to justify the essence of the new ministry and its purpose in the state. “The real essence of life is to be happy and to fulfil one’s purpose in life; Government officials are elected to address this.” It is a shame I share the same first name with this Press Secretary. The joke is squarely on him in his failed attempt to turn logic on its head. Yes, even the Good Book acknowledges that the people rejoice when the righteous are in power, but it is not by playing with our minds with the creation of such useless office. The people will be happy if the government of the day does its job. This is a state where pensioners are continually being owed, civil servants salaries are never prompt, the state university is in shatters, youth unemployment is as bad as it gets and many of the state roads are death traps. Yet, the governor believe happiness will come from a magic wand his sister will wield.

Beyond the loud soundbites that the governor’s actions have received on social media, it aches the heart how this man leads a state. Okorocha is a sad reminder of why we have so many failed states in Nigeria. No doubt, the Buhari government will continue to get a lot of sticks for not doing enough, but large stones should also be hurled at many governors. A glance at the Oil rich South-South and South-East states tells the whole story. We have leaders in these states who should have no business leading a street, talk more of a state. Rochas Okorocha is the only governor from the South East in the ruling APC government. He is supposed to be the voice of Ndigbo when matters that affects her are being discussed in quarters other PDP governors will not be privy to. Your guess is as good as mine on how this representation has been going. Our leaders should have moments of introspection and we the people must make our pressure on leaders count beyond the rhetorics of internet memes and hashtags.

10 Things to Remember When the Going Gets Tough

When the going gets tough—when we’re feeling utterly down and discouraged—we need to remember…

1. To trust the journey, even when we do not understand it.

2. To accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in the road ahead.

3. To start exactly where we are, use what we have, and do what we can, one step at a time.

4. To look for the blessings hidden in every struggle we face, and be willing to open our hearts and minds to them.

5. To recognize our backpack of support—our external sources of hope and motivation—before a random guru (or someone with far more crooked intentions) has to steal it from us so that we can finally see what we have always taken for granted.

6. To be present and tap into our own hearts and minds—our internal sources of hope and motivation—which have the power to push us back up on our feet and guide us down the road to our backpack of support, even when it appears to be lost forever.

7. To laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and appreciate the lessons found at each twist and turn.

8. To not compare our progress with that of others, and accept that we all need our own time to travel our own distance.

9. To see how many of the things we never wanted or expected, ultimately turn out to be what we need.

10. To be OK with not ending up exactly where we intended to go, while opening ourselves up to the possibility of eventually arriving precisely in the right place at the right time.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Zimbabwe: Not Yet Uhuru

The glee has been unprecedented and the streets of Harare have never witnessed such hysterical moments. In the eyes of the people, the army have become national heroes for daring to do the impossible, and the once revered Robert Mugabe has become a national caricature. The placards on the streets of Zimbabwe have been damning to behold for the 93 years old. One of such placards in the hands of a teenager read: ‘Rest in Peace, Robert’. It is a case of the downfall of the patriarch of Africa’s strongmen.

For many, Mugabe was Zimbabwe. He has become synonymous with the Southern African Country. Mugabe’s rise to tyranny was a heroic ascension. He spent 11 years as a political prisoner under Ian Smith’s Rhodesian government. He rose to lead the Zimbabwe African National Union movement and was one of the key negotiators in the 1979 Lancaster House Agreement, which led to the creation of a fully democratic Zimbabwe. Elected prime minister and later president, he embraced conciliation with the country’s white minority but sidelined his rivals through politics and force. Beginning in 2000, he encouraged the takeovers of white-owned commercial farms. For 37 years, he was a torn in the flesh of the West. His economic policies have also left Zimbabwe in economic doldrums and his intolerance for meaningful opposition made him a tyrant at best. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for Mugabe was the removal of long term vice president, Emmerson Mnangagwa and installation of his wife, Grace. The people had had enough and the army led the so called ‘peaceful coup’ that peaked with the resignation of Mugabe and the coronation of Mnangagwa as president. The fiasco has left a few lessons in its wake.

Mugabe was perhaps one of the last men standing in the litany of long serving African leaders; thus, signaling the fact that the people know better in today’s Africa, and the days of family dynasties are coming to an end. The goal of Mugabe was to die in office but he should have listened to his senile mind. The world around him was changing fast and that reality was lost upon him. Another apt point is how much people generally have a sieve memory. For all his dictatorial tendencies, he was the man in the forefront of Zimbabwe liberation from white minorities. He spent over a decade in prison and suffered several arrests. While it will be naïve to condone his longevity in office, it will also be foolhardy not to acknowledge his contributions to the society. The tales of joy and sheer ridicule of Robert Mugabe by many Zimbabweans is a rude reminder that the same people who sing ‘Alleluia’ will be swift to chant ‘Crucify him’ when it is convenient. It is a sad fact of life but the reality is that: people forget! Going forward, Zimbabwe must tread with caution, and be careful of the West and its outstretched arms of friendship. It is true that isolating the rest of the world is not the way to go in today’s global planet but terms of friendship must be clear and carefully assessed. The demise of Mugabe does not translate to economic and social flourish for Zimbabwe. The road ahead will be tougher than the previous 37 years spearheaded by Mugabe. In many ways, this doesn’t look like a revolution, in Reuben Abati’s words ‘it is a re-arrangement of the power nexus within the ruling party. This is all at the end of the day about Grace Mugabe.’ The state of Libya post Muammar Gaddafi is a clear reminder that such phase must not be handled with kid gloves.

How posterity will remember Mugabe will remain the contemplations of historians. It is very likely that the jury will remain discursive in their verdict for this is a man that means different things to different people.

10 Things to Remember Before You Take Things Personally

Continuing the series of thoughts on not taking things personal, these are ten striking things to remember.

1. Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace.

2. Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them.

3. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

4. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

5. Oftentimes people do things and say things because they’ve been conditioned to, not because they consciously want to.

6. You can’t control how people receive your energy. Whatever someone interprets, or projects onto you, is at least partially an issue or problem that they themselves are dealing with.

7. Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Weigh what you hear from others against what you know in your heart to be true.

8. If you’re willing to view the behavior of other people as indicative of their relationship with themselves, then you will inevitably take things less personally.

9. If you truly wish to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, stop allowing other people to be responsible for them. Stop allowing other people to dominate your emotions.

10. All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as a baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be kind, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.

(MARCANDANGEL).

It’s Not Personal!

When one stops taking what other people do or say personally, one is no longer in conflict with them - Suma Varughese

I have come to learn a great truth about people and their reaction towards me, which is ‘It’s not about me.’ You need to learn to stop taking things to heart. Everyone just wants to get by, and in a dog-eat-dog environment like ours, everyone wants to survive. When all is said and done, it is not personal; it rarely is. Understanding this will free you from the shackles of un-forgiveness and give a new lease of life to your spirit.

People do what they do because that is what their mind, ego selves or situations cause them to do. It has very little to do with us. Unfortunately, we take it all personally, and feel angry, jealous, hurt or sad. And when they do things that benefit us, or give a boost to our ego selves by complimenting us or showing their affection for us, we feel happy, self-congratulatory or validated. But that too has nothing to do with us. Those who like us do so because they are capable of liking us; most of us are not universally popular, so we cannot attribute it to ourselves alone. Similarly, their paying a compliment has at least as much to do with their generosity of spirit, as it has to do with our own magnificence. There really is no connection between what others think, do or say, and how we react to it. What they do is their stuff, and how we feel about it is our stuff. And these two domains are never supposed to meet.

We have all been hurt in some way or another. Whether through personal mistakes or someone else’s actions, we all know what it feels like. Living a lifetime without any experience of pain is just unimaginable. The thing is, we know how it feels to fall in love, so we take the risks, time and time again, because we know it is the most incredible experience in the world. Some of us take a few years out while we heal; others put themselves in vulnerable positions almost instantly. When you witness and experience true love and allow yourself to become vulnerable to another human being, the dirty footprints from your past start to fade away.

What a profound freedom we would experience if we could detach from the stuff of others. With what judicious discrimination we would act if we did not have to ward off huge waves of disruptive emotion. Best of all, with no inner stuff to distract us, how much more open we would be to the other person, how much more available would we be to the issues and problems that are driving their behaviour, how much more accepting and loving we would be of them. With inner stuff gone, all conflict would disappear, for we and the other will be on the same side, instead of on opposing ones.

40 Hard Things You Need to Hear

1. When you hear only what you want to hear, you’re not really listening. Listen to what you don’t want to hear too. That’s how you grow.

2. Fantasizing about other times and places can be dangerous. Don’t cling so tightly to the past, or dream so fervently about the future, that you miss out on the real value and beauty that is here and now. Don’t live entirely in your head. Don’t miss your life!

3. You often waste your time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does. Because you forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting.

4. You will never feel as confident as you want to feel. Stop believing that you should feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence.

5. Distractions will get the best of you if you let them. Study your routines, figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. You become a true master of your life when you learn how to master your focus—where your attention goes.

6. There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Know the difference. Life is too short. Invest in the activities (and relationships) you deeply care about. Value what you give your energy to. Focus on what matters and let go of what does not.

7. Self-neglect is super common. Realize this! Your needs matter. Do NOT ignore them. At times you have to do what’s best for you and your life, not just what’s best for everyone else. There’s absolutely nothing selfish about self-care and self-love. We can’t give what we don’t have. Enrich your life and you’ll be life-giving to others, too.

8. You don’t give yourself enough credit sometimes. Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it through? You did, and you’ll do it again. Don’t let your challenges get the best of you. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your resilience.

9. Your response is always more powerful than your circumstance. A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.

10. Everything gets a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better. Be patient.

11. Patience is not about waiting. Patience is the ability to keep a positive, focused attitude while working hard to move your life forward.

12. New, good habits don’t form overnight. It takes roughly 66 days to form a habit. So for the next nine weeks, look at the bright side of your life, and you will rewire your brain. Then apply this same principle to other areas of your life.

13. Mental strength is incredibly important, and easily overlooked. Go to environments that expand your mind. Spend time with people who truly inspire you. Read books. Learn. Grow. Get better. Your life is your choice.

14. Old patterns are hard to break. Be aware. Act consciously and consistently. Don’t fall back into your old patterns. Toxic habits and behaviors always try to sneak back in when you’re doing better. Stay focused.

15. Sometimes it’s better to let go without closure. Actions and behavior speak volumes. Trust the signs you were given and gracefully press on.

16. If you always play the victim, you will always be treated like one. Life isn’t fair. But you don’t have to let the past define your future. Try to take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. Don’t get caught up in what you can’t control.

17. Life doesn’t always give you the circumstances you want. Life gives you the circumstances you need … to learn, to grow, and to fall in love.

18. When you really pay attention, everyone and everything is your teacher. Take time to observe and listen. Take time to learn something new.

19. No one wins at chess by only moving forward. Sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. This is a perfect metaphor for life.

20. Your hardest challenges will teach you your best lessons. There is an opportunity in every difficult situation to understand yourself more deeply, and also to improve your life. Take one small step at a time.

21. The vast majority of your stress is self-inflicted. And the most powerful weapon you have against stress is your ability to choose one thought over another. Learn to manage your thoughts, before your thoughts manage you.

22. Your mind will forever produce negative thoughts. So the goal isn’t to get rid of all your negative thoughts. That’s impossible. The goal is to change your response to them. In fact, the strongest sign of your inner growth is realizing you’re no longer worried, stressed or pained by the things that once used to drain you.

23. Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace. Once you begin to value your inner peace over your need to react and be right, you will in fact experience more inner peace, and happiness.

24. You are holding on to things that hold you back. When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler when you clear the clutter that makes it complicated. Not everything and everyone you lose is a loss.

25. “Busy” is mostly just an excuse. In a world with so much noise and clutter, you must make room to hear yourself and others. Embrace silence and space. Breathe and listen. Be where you are. You’re where you’re supposed to be at this very moment. Every step and experience is necessary, and can be enhanced with your presence.

26. You ignore your inner voice too often. Give yourself the space to listen to your own voice—your own soul. Too many of us listen to the noise of the world and get lost in the crowd.

27. You often seek validation from the wrong sources. You will never find your worth in another human being—you will find it in yourself, and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy. So stop waiting for others to tell you how impressive you are. Impress yourself. Show yourself that you can grow and get better. It’s never about competing with others. In the end, it’s just you vs. you.

28. Popularity is irrelevant. Forget popularity. Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Many of the kindest gestures you’ll ever make, and the most important things you’ll ever do, will never be seen publicly. Do them anyway.

29. You have been impressed with some people for the wrong reasons. Be less impressed by money, titles, degrees, and looks. Be more impressed by generosity, integrity, humility, and kindness.

30. People will not always tell you how they feel about you. But they will always show you. Pay close attention.

31. Your expectations of others cause you unnecessary pain. Don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them.

32. You will end up heartbroken if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you.

33. Life is too short to argue and fight. Remember to be selective in your battles. Peace can feel better than being right. You don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to. Count your blessings, value the people who matter, and move on from the drama with your head held high.

34. You will gradually attract people that think and behave like you. If you want to be surrounded by positive people, you need to be positive too. And the opposite is also true. So do your best to surround yourself with people who push you to be your best. Less drama—less mess. Just higher vibrations and intentions.

35. You need to learn to be more human again (we all do). Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile today. Ask about people’s stories. Listen.

36. Sometimes you subconsciously dehumanize people you disagree with. Be careful. In our self-righteousness, we can easily become the very things we dislike in others. Ultimately, the way we treat people we disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love and compassion. Every single person you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. Respect this. And be extra kind.

37. “Bad” people can change for the better. If somebody is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow.

38. Forgiveness is necessary for personal peace. Forgive others, not because they absolutely deserve forgiveness, but because you absolutely deserve peace. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim.

39. Life will take things from you, and give things to you, gradually and continuously. It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Do your best to embrace life’s uncertainties. Some of the best chapters in your life won’t have a title you feel fully comfortable with until later.

40. Everything you have right now is in the process of changing again. Look around, and be thankful for your life right now. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home. Nothing lasts forever.

(MARCANDANGEL).

One Hard Thing You Must Admit Before Your Life Slips Away

Admitting the Hard Truth, and Embracing It

Where you are and what you’re doing at any given moment is absolutely essential.

Because it is the only moment guaranteed to you.

You are not on your way somewhere else.

You are not progressing to a more important time or place.

The present is not just a stepping-stone—it is the ultimate destination, and you have already arrived.

This moment is where your greatest power lies.

This moment is your life!

It might seem obvious, but, again, I forget. And I know you do too.

All day, every day, many of us feel like the present isn’t enough—like our life isn’t worthy of our full presence. It’s a hard truth, but we have to admit…

We are continuously thinking about what’s to come, as if it’s not enough to appreciate what we have in front of us right now.
We sit down to relax for a moment and then immediately feel the urge to read something on our phones, check social media, or text someone, as if relaxing for a moment isn’t enough.
We procrastinate when it’s time to work, choosing more distractions, as if the process of doing good work isn’t enough for us.
We get annoyed with people when they fail to live up to our expectations, as if the reality of who they are isn’t enough for us.
We reject situations, people, and even ourselves, because we feel like we need more, more, more…
But what if we did the opposite?

What if we accepted this moment, and everything and everyone in it (including ourselves), as exactly enough?

What if we admitted that life is slipping away right now, and saw the fleeting time we have as enough, without needing to share it on social media or capture it or alter it in any way?

What if we accepted the “bad” with the good, the letdowns with the lessons, the annoying with the beautiful, the anxiety with the opportunity, as part of a package deal that this moment alone is offering us?

What if we paused right now, and saw everything with perfect clarity and no distractions?

Keep thinking about it…

Would we live more meaningful and memorable lives?

Would we have more beautiful stories to cherish and share?

I think we would.

And thus, I think now is the best time to pay attention.

Now is the best time to look around and be grateful—for our health, our homes, our families, our friends, and our momentary opportunities.

Nothing lasts.

Everything is happening, and changing, before our eyes.

Let’s do our best to be naked and free and aware of every little climactic moment, together.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Everyone will not understand you

The day we kill the need for validation is the day we truly begin to live – Samuel Okonkwo

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your opinions, beliefs, and perceptions. Every man has a right to forge his own views. Not everybody will understand your journey; that is okay. You are here to live your life not to make everyone understand. Be conscious of this at all times. Not everyone will understand what you want to accomplish in your career. Maybe you want a new job but the people in your life tell you to forget about it and just be happy where you are. Or, you want a new career, but you are told it doesn't make sense or you won't make enough money. Or, you want to start a business that you have been thinking about for years, and you hear about how no one will visit your establishment.

Do you have career dreams or wishes that you want to come true, but when you tell people your thoughts they have no idea what you are saying? Or, they understand your words, but then they try to talk you out of it, or they give you a long speech about why it won't work. What do you do when in your heart you know the right next move for your career, but no one else agrees with you on this?

Forget about what others are doing and saying about you. Stop looking at where they are and what they have. Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel. We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves. So stop the comparisons! Ignore the distractions. Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your own business. Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day. Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it. Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be. Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU. Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you.

Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be – that you’ve made mistakes in the past, learned from them, and moved past them. They may not be able to stand the fact that you’re growing and moving on with your life, and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you. Do not help them by acknowledging their negative behavior. Keep moving forward. Nobody will ever be as invested or interested in your life as you. Only you know what is best for you, and that entails learning from your own choices. The only way you will ever truly learn is through making your own decisions, taking full responsibility for them, and that way if you do fail, at least you can learn from it wholeheartedly, as opposed to blame-shifting it onto somebody else. If you want to live a meaningful and fulfilled life, you have to own your choices and learn from them. This will build your character and help you grow.

Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy and serves no purpose in creating a better day today. If someone continuously judges you by your past and holds it against you, you might have to repair your future by leaving them behind. People say they are here to help, yet more often than not, end up pushing those in need down even further. Telling them to just get over it. To think more positively. If you allow others to define your dreams and abilities, then you enable them to hold you back. What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends on what you choose to do with your time and energy. People will throw all sorts of assumptions your way about what is possible and what is impossible. Look beyond the presumptions and mental limitations of others, and connect with your own best vision of how YOUR life can be. Life is an open-ended journey, and what you achieve comes from what you expect to achieve and what you work to achieve. So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. Keep living your truth. The only people that will get mad at you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

Culled from my book (The Path Less Travelled - https://www.amazon.com/Path-Less-Travelled-Reflections-Learning/dp/1540663507/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508077706&sr=8-1&keywords=samuel+okonkwo)

10 Regrets Too Many People Will Have in 10 Years

1. Not spending enough quality time with the right people. — At some point, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So today, spend more time with those who help you love yourself more—spend more time with those who make you feel good, and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. Never be too busy to make room in your day for the ones who matter most. And remember that nothing you can give will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with someone, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the ultimate compliment.

2. Not expressing your love openly and honestly with those you love. — Without question, you’re going to lose people in your life. Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way. Express your love! Tell people what you need to tell them. Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable. You never know when you might lose your opportunity. Is it really possible to tell someone what you feel? Yes, it is. They won’t always understand, because even when they’ve heard you, they can’t feel exactly what you feel inside. But you still have to speak up for your own peace of mind. If you appreciate someone today, tell them. If you have something else important to say, say it. Hearts are often confused and broken open by words left unspoken.

3. Basing a significant portion of your self-worth on other people’s opinions of you. — We tend to forget that most people judge us based on experiences from their own life that have absolutely nothing to do with us. For example, a person might assume things about you based entirely on a troubled past experience they had with someone else who looks somewhat like you. Therefore, basing any part of your self-worth on what they think puts you in limbo—you are literally at the mercy of their unreliable, bias perspective. If they see you in the right light, and respond to you in a positive, affirming manner, then you feel good about yourself. And if not, you feel like you did something wrong. The bottom line is that you will never find your worth in another human being—you find it in yourself, and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy. And in the meantime, not overreacting or taking things personally will keep your mind clear and your heart at peace.

4. Being too busy impressing others and forgetting about what matters to YOU. — Ten years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way. So forget about impressing people for the sake of it. Be real instead! If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of. Focus on what matters! It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish in a day when you aren’t incessantly worried about what everyone else in the world is thinking and doing. Just show yourself that you can grow and get better. It’s never about impressing or competing with others. In the end, it’s just you vs. you.

5. Letting uncertainty paralyze you. — Trust me now and thank me later, embrace uncertainty! Because some of the most incredible chapters of your life won’t have a title you feel comfortable with until much later. Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small, uncertain risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. If you don’t—if you let uncertainty win—you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong. Because if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been. Remember this, and find the courage you need! You don’t need guarantees 24/7. That’s not how life works. In life you can be comfortable or courageous, but not both at once.

6. Focusing on failures instead of opportunities. — Well, it’s true, you have failed and you have been hurt in the past. But it’s also true that you have loved, and been loved. That you have risked, and received. That you have grown not just older, but wiser. And all of this carries a weight of its own—a greater weight than any particular failure or wound. In fact, it’s better to have a life full of small wounds and failures that you learned from, rather than a lifetime filled with the regrets of never trying. Think about it! Have you ever seen a toddler learn to walk? They stumble and fall numerous times before getting it right. The falls are learning opportunities. Oftentimes it takes pain and patience to make lasting progress. So don’t let time pass you by like a hand waving from a train you desperately want to be on. Don’t spend the rest of your life thinking about why you didn’t do what you can do right now.

7. Holding on too tight to every ideal, and then missing out on real opportunities. — You can’t lose what you never had, you can’t keep what’s not yours, and you can’t hold on to something that does not want to stay. But you can drive yourself mad by trying. What you need to realize is that most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right! Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control. In other words, say “goodbye” to what didn’t work out so you can say “hello” to what might. In life, goodbyes are a gift. When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold on to them or pray to keep them present in your life. If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the next chapter in your life. It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different or something more, and life is simply making room.

8. Playing the victim for far too long. — If you always play the victim, you will always be treated like one. Life isn’t fair, but you don’t have to let the past define your future. Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it through? You did, and you’ll do it again. Don’t let your challenges get the best of you. Don’t let your insecurities bully you into a corner. Don’t be your own victim! Take the next smallest step. The greatest of all mistakes is to do nothing simply because you can only do a little. And you can ALWAYS do a little! Where you are right now is necessary. Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on our ideals, that it is not where we should be. But the truth is, where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to take the next smallest step forward.

9. Waiting, overanalyzing, and never taking the necessary steps. — Too often we waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear, but it never does, because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. Remember this! It’s easy to be lazy and wait around. It’s easy to waste another day. But you need to do the opposite! Decide what you want to accomplish and get it done. Action is worry’s worst enemy. Action is the best ammunition. Action brings progress! So do not confuse senseless movement with real action. Whenever you find yourself at a point of intense decision-making where you’re caught in a cycle of over-analysis and hesitation, and you’re making zero progress, take a deep breath, break the cycle, make an educated guess on the next logical step, and take it. Even if you get it wrong, you will learn something useful that will help you get it right. A daily ritual of small, positive steps is the ultimate key.

10. Being too busy to appreciate your life. — Take action, work hard, but don’t forget to pause and pay attention to life’s little moments too. That’s honestly the best advice there is. Realize that life is simply a collection of little chances for happiness, each lived one moment at a time. That some time each day should be spent noticing the beauty in the space between the big events. That moments of dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, realize that life is about being present, watching and listening and working without a clock and without anticipation of results at every moment, and sometimes, on really good days, for letting these little moments fill your heart with intense gratitude. Truth be told, you will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on your deathbed, come to wish that you had spent less time worrying and rushing through your life, and more time actually being mindful and appreciative of each day.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Nigeria @ 57: Teething Problems, Clutching Straws and Deceiving Self

‘The most significant appeal of President Buhari’s candidacy in 2015 was the national consensus then that he would be principled, decisive, firm and precise on matters of public morality. Sadly, his failure to act promptly and decisively at critical moments when the public expected clarity has dulled his original appeal and cast doubts on his sincerity. In the process, the dividing line between right and wrong in our nation has further blurred. Therefore, the burden for the president at this most critical period is twofold: first to salvage the credibility of his wobbly administration and, most importantly, to restore public confidence in his personal integrity as a genuine national leader and moral beacon.’
- Segun Adeniyi (ThisDay 28th September 2017).

As the nation ushers in the routine pomp and pageantry that accompanies her Independence Day anniversary, the mood is dampen by a collective frustration and national disappointment. I had culled the above from Segun’s article on the backpage of ThisDay newspaper to aptly capture the country’s mood today. The jury is still out on the final say of this administration’s first term but a consensus has been reached on a few things. President Buhari has lived short of the massive expectation that attended his triumphant entry in 2015. Even his biggest apologist cannot deny the fact that we could have been further ahead with over two years on. As Simon Kolawole puts it ‘Nigeria is 57, going by the year of independence, and the consensus in every corner is that we can be, and should have been, better than this.’

Perhaps, one of the most fundamental problem with Nigeria is the dishonesty posture we take, even to ourselves. We lie to ourselves about how far we have come. We find solace for our incompetence and make comparisons that makes us ‘look good’ in the grand scheme of things. A few contexts will suffice. With over two years down the line, the Power sector has been a failure. Certainly, there are plausible explanations to validate the excuse; but they will remain mere explanations. From the volatility in the creeks that have forced epileptic gas production, to the unavailability of proper gas turbines, to the nightmare that is the transmission companies, the progress has been at a snail’s pace. The campaign promise to deliver 20,000 megawatts of electricity was not hinged on favourable conditions. It was the job of this administration to ensure the conditions are right not heave a sigh and throw their hands in despondency as if to say ‘it is not our fault o’. Word on the street is that this is the worse we have ever had it with Power.

At the crux of President Buhari’s agenda, was the fight against corruption. In the eyes of many, he was the ‘poster boy’ of this fight; a man whose greatest asset was his integrity, both perceived and real. However, for all the razzmatazz that have greeted the anti-corruption drive, there is a genuine feeling that it has largely been a façade. Monies have been recovered but that is just about it. The anti-corruption war is not won on the pages of newspapers or at the head office of EFCC. The war has been fought haphazardly and largely uncoordinated. While the media trials have been successful, there has been no notable court conviction made since the inception of this agenda. It gives a sense that we are playing to the gallery on this one. Speak of the ills of corruption all you like, but if you don’t close the loopholes, strengthen the controls and follow through on court convictions, then you are a glorified nimrod full of sound and fury only. The establishment of dedicated corruption courts is coming over two years late. Suffice it to say, the anti-corruption fight will also remain lopsided if it continues to be selective. This government have missed opportunities to make a statement about a holistic approach to this war. A case in point is what has become of the report of the Osinbanjo led panel to investigate corruption claims against the suspended Secretary to the Government, Babachir Lawal. The report has since been submitted but the silence has been deafening in this regard.

No nation makes progress without choosing to go the path less travelled and take the tough decisions. Divorcing the Nigerian marriage might be a pandora’s box many are unwilling to open but it is a no-brainer that restructuring, realigning and renegotiating the terms of this marriage is the way to go. It is great to quell insurrections whenever they arise, but to always do this without unearthing the reasons for the insurrections is to specialize in ‘self deceit.’

It is a barely two years until Nigerians return to the polls, and while there is hardly an opposition party worthy of the name, the feeling towards this government is largely one of derision. For President Buhari, it is an opportunity lost. All the goodwill post the 2015 elections have now been spent and it is his government that is in red and must repay the national mandate. Yet, it is not yet gloom and doom. This administration has gotten a few pass marks but they are in very insignificant subjects. It is like scoring A1 in Yoruba language, Food and nutrition and Music, while you have F9 in Mathematics, English, Chemistry and Physics. If the last few days of this administration must surely count, then they must return back to basics. Fixing Nigeria is not in big promises but in the little things. It is the fundamental things that this government must tackle. Fix the roads, get Power right, promote equity in political decisions/appointments, follow through on corruption cases, create enabling environment for businesses to thrive and revive the bloody economy. This is the ‘what’, we pay them a fortune to figure out the ‘how’. Fixing Nigeria is not rocket science!

The World is a Beautiful Place

Most of us don’t even realize how amazing our lives are. People lose the appreciation of their beautiful lives while concentrating on problems and being pessimistic about their current “terrible situation”. We consider thousands of things in our lives for granted, because it’s totally normal for us, like being able to have a shower, or to have food on our tables, day after day. Furthermore, the vast majority of us do not have to worry on whether they are going to have something to eat for the next day, as our main trouble is on what to eat the next day – something that might be a pure luxury for someone living in an area where there are limited resources of food. Have you ever noticed the fact that slum dwellers in Nigeria and even more dire places are often even happier than many in so called civilized nations, even though they lack so many things from food to – pure luxury articles like a TV – that some of us consider to be ordinary? Could it be that these people appreciate their lives a lot more, due to the fact of not being able to know whether they are able to enjoy the next day? Perhaps they don’t even focus on material things or tangibles like money, instead they enjoy the time with their family and esteem social values like deep friendships by far more than some of us do? In sum, they just appreciate that amidst all the troubles, the world is still a beautiful place.

Too often than not, we are obsessed with what we don’t have. We fantasize about where we want to be, who we want to be with and how we would like to see ourselves, all while abandoning the moments, people and places of significance that take place in our lives. There is nothing wrong with wanting change; change is good and necessary, but it doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process, rather, which is accomplished over time with transition. The problem we often face with longing for a life different than the one we have is that we treat where we are and where we want to be like an on-and-off switch. We cut off the “now” and turn on the “will be.” Making goals and planning to change your scenery should be a process where priorities change and focus sharpens, not one where one life comes to a screeching halt for the other. We've all been guilty of taking mental vacations, and we've all jumped into the visual snapshot we've projected for ourselves. But often, when we pack our mental bags we leave behind our dormant body to go through the monotonous routine of life like a corpse. This shouldn't be so. Surrendering the life you're currently living is a dangerous thing. It's a risky business that leaves us tirelessly running a race, chasing satisfaction on a treadmill, always wanting, but never having. When we make up in our minds that the present isn't important, it becomes habitual and routine. The job won't have enough benefits, one degree will suddenly turn into two and the dream house in Banana Island will soon enough become humdrum. The reality is that if we can't find happiness where we are, we won't find it where we want to be. Accomplishments will no longer hold value due to the next goal that’s pending.

Loving the struggle, embracing what it takes, understanding your sacrifices and acknowledging those who helped you along the way are all part of the process that will allow us to be better individuals. When we understand the beauty in today and embrace all it has to offer, we will learn how to appreciate the goodness we receive. The world is a beautiful place.

(Excerpts from my Book ‘The Path Less Travelled’)

7 Smart Yet Simple Ways to Handle Difficult People

1. Practice detaching yourself from other people’s bias opinions. — You may not be able control all the things people say and do, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. The way people treat you is their problem, how you respond internally is yours. What you need to remember is that the things people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, biases and past experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re disgusting, again, is more about them and how they view the world. Now, I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things too personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and insight as your guide.

2. Wish them well and move forward with your day. — Don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. Realize that there’s no reason to expect others to treat you the way you treat them—not everyone has the same heart as you. Meditate on that. Let it sink in. Ultimately, the real test is being kind to unkind people. And yes, you can always stand tall and be sincerely kind to people you strongly disagree with. Remind yourself that you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. Just do your best to be kind, generous, and respectful, no mater what. Truth be told, all the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as a baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude and difficult, be mindful—be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.

3. Model the behavior you want to see. — When someone insists on foisting their hostility and drama on you, be an example of a pure existence. Ignore their outlandish antics and focus on compassion. Communicate and express yourself from a place of peace, from a place of love, with the best intentions. Use your voice for good, to inspire, to encourage, to educate, and to spread the type of behavior you want to see in others. This, of course, is much easier said than done. It takes long-term practice.

4. Take positive control of negative conversations. – It’s okay to change the topic, talk about something positive, or steer conversations away from pity parties, drama, and self-absorbed sagas. Be willing to disagree with difficult people and deal with the consequences. Some people really don’t recognize their own difficult tendencies or their inconsiderate behavior. You can actually tell a person, “I feel like you ignore me until you need something.” You can also be honest if their overly negative attitude is what’s driving you away: “I’m trying to focus on positive things. What’s something good we can talk about?” It may work and it may not, but your honesty will help ensure that any communication that continues forward is built on mutually beneficial ground.

5. Proactively establish healthy and reasonable boundaries. — Practice becoming aware of your feelings and needs. Note the times and circumstances when you’re resentful of fulfilling someone else’s needs. Gradually build boundaries by saying no to gratuitous requests that cause resentfulness in you. Of course, this will be hard at first because it may feel a bit selfish. But if you’ve ever flown on a plane, you know that flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before tending to others, even their own children. Why? Because you cannot help others if you’re incapacitated. In the long run, proactively establishing and enforcing healthy and reasonable boundaries with difficult people will be one of the most charitable things you can do for yourself and those you care about. These boundaries will foster and preserve the best of you, so you can share the best of yourself with the people who matter most, not just the difficult ones who try to keep you tied up.

6. Make extra time for yourself. — Difficult people who wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions are obviously hard to handle. They want others to join their 24/7 pity party so they can feel better about themselves. And you may feel pressured to listen to their complaints simply because you don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a compassionate ear and getting sucked into their emotional drama. If you are forced to live or work with a difficult person, then make sure you get enough alone time to relax, rest, and recuperate. Having to play the role of a “focused, rational adult” in the face of relentless moodiness can be exhausting, and if you’re not careful, their toxic attitude can infect you. So remember that even people with legitimate problems and clinical illnesses can still comprehend that you have needs as well, which means you can politely excuse yourself when you need to.

7. Let them know that you, respectfully, do not care. — This one is essentially a last resort. If you’ve tried your best to communicate respectfully with a difficult person, or to gracefully distance yourself from them, but they insist on following you around and attacking you for whatever reason, it’s time to speak up and tell them that their words are meaningless. In such situations, I challenge you to make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who relentlessly passes public judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. And remind yourself that you did nothing wrong. Some people will inevitable judge you no matter what you do, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.

(MARCANDANGEL).

You Think Anybody Really Cares About You?

The movie, ‘Rocky’ is renowned for many things, but none of these things compares to the life lessons that this movie is laced with. This is one of such lessons from the movie: ‘Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that’

The sad thing is that some people are so fixated about how they show up, how they are being perceived, what the view about them is. What such people fail to understand is that there is enough going on in every individual’s life to keep them preoccupied. The reality is that everyone in life, small or big is pursuing something. Everyone has goals they want to achieve, and as one of my friends will say, everyone needs a sponsor in one way or the other. In many ways, it is a dog eat dog situation.

One of the quick things I realized early in life is that in the final analysis, no one really has your best interest at heart as much as you do. And this is not a bad thing, it is just the way the world is. Your demon is your demon and there are places of trials in your life where everyone else is bared from the court room. There are places of personal pressures in your life where your wife, husband, children, siblings, father, mother and best friends can’t get into. It is not that they don’t love you enough to go through this with you, but the truth is that there are some burdens you bear on your own. The sooner you stop bitching about who wasn’t there for you when you needed them, and instead, take your life by the scruff of the neck, the better for you.

Dust yourself each time and face what you must. Get a few friends who will always be there. Find the positives for there are still some good in this world. Stay close to family and trudge on with your life. Don’t delude yourself that everyone is after you; you are not that important. You are not the center of everyone’s attention, and some of the greatest battles you will fight in life, you must do it alone.

4 Little Things that Will Matter a Lot More to You in 40 Years

1. Treating your very limited time each day with care.

As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you. The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. But you don’t have to be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. A life uncluttered by most of the meaningless drama, distraction, and busyness people fill their lives with, leaving us with space for what’s truly meaningful. A life that isn’t constant rushing, worrying and stress, but instead contemplation, creation, and connection with the people and projects that matter most to us.

By redefining our priorities, and building healthy rituals to back them up, we’ve literally been able to change our lives. And this is now a healthy practice we coach our course students though every single day as well. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed and stressed out a lot lately, I highly recommend you rethink how you’re spending your time, and replace the meaningless with the meaningful. Start by being honest about the drama, distraction, and busyness in your life.

Identify what’s most important to you, and eliminate as much as you possibly can of everything else. In other words, be ruthless about putting first things first. Say “no” to unnecessary commitments that do not support your priorities. When you start an important activity, turn to it with your full attention and set a conscious intention to be fully present with the act—to do nothing but this one activity for a set time. You might think, “Just write” or “Just run” or “Just be here with this amazing child of mine.” Treat each moment with reverence, as if you are one with what’s happening. The bottom line here is that too often our minds are set on getting somewhere else. Too often another beautiful day comes to an end with hundreds of unnoticed moments behind us—we didn’t notice them because they were insignificant to us. And over time our entire lives become a massive pile of unnoticed and insignificant moments on our way to more important things. Then the important things get rushed through too… to get to the next one, and the next, until our time is up and we’re left questioning where it all went.

2. Genuine relationships.

It’s nice to have acquaintances. It’s important to be friendly. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for those who matter most to you. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.

Truly, we all long for genuine relationships, but these relationships can be hard to find and nurture, even in our overly connected lives. We meet people in person and socialize online, but these connections often lack a necessary dose of intimacy. We work alongside others in crowded office buildings, but our communication with them is usually work-oriented and not relationship-oriented. We may be lucky enough to have close friends and family in our lives, but when we are distracted by social media and busy with work, those relationships take a major hit. The healthiest and most genuine relationships are comprised of two people who are intimately familiar with each other’s evolving stories. These people make plenty of emotional room for their relationship, which means they sincerely listen to each other, they remember the major events each other have been through, and they keep up-to-date as the facts and feelings of each other’s reality evolves and changes.

The key thing to remember is that nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with someone, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to them, and it arms you with the information you need to truly know them and support them in the long run. It’s also important to note that if two people care about each other and want to maintain a healthy relationship, they absolutely need to be “allowed” to openly communicate ALL of their feelings to each other—their true feelings—not just the agreeable and positive ones. If this is not “allowed” or supported by one or both people involved in the relationship—if one or both people fear punishment for their honesty—lies and deceit will gradually replace love and trust, which ultimately leads to a complete emotional disconnection.

3. Engaging passionately in whatever you choose to do.

Passion is powerful! It rests deep within you and passively drives your feelings, choices, and courses of actions. It can’t be ignored, and it shouldn’t be ignored. Your passion will likely become the sole source of your greatest achievements and your finest moments. The fevering excitement of love. The joy of work that moves you. The clarity of your purpose. The ecstasy of letting go and being one with the present moment. In a nutshell, this is what passion gradually does for you. Without it there is little peace of mind in the end—just a hollow existence of unfulfilled dreams—a lifetime left mostly unlived.

If your life is going to mean anything to you 40 years down the road (or even 10 years down the road), you have to actively and passionately live it every day until then. You have to deeply engage yourself in activities that move you. But the key thing to realize is that almost any activity can move you if you let it. You don’t need some massive, life-engulfing passion to suddenly appear in your life. Because real passion comes from within, and the source of passion in your life may be as simple as having a job to do—a job that feeds your family, for example—and feeling good about doing it right.

Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion”—something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the things you’re working on, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.

I’m absolutely certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time, energy, and passionate focus. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of passionate potential within you, just waiting. So stop waiting! There is no next time. Put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you!

4. A mindset that brings you peace.

Life is a series of continuous changes. Don’t resist them; doing so only creates unnecessary stress. Let the reality of these changes take place. Let them flow. Or as Henry Wadsworth once said, “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is to let it rain.” As we age, we gradually learn the power of this kind of acceptance.

Acceptance is letting go and allowing things to be the way they truly are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the reality of your life; it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself and your thoughts about everything else. This simple understanding is the foundation of acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be peace of mind and growth. It’s important to realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally accepting and at peace. Because inner peace does not depend on external conditions; it’s what remains when you’ve surrendered your ego and worries. Peace can be found within you at any place and at any time. It’s always there, patiently waiting for you to turn your attention toward it. Peace of mind arrives the moment you come to peace with what’s on your mind. It happens when you let go of the need to be anywhere but where you are, physically and emotionally.

You are more than whatever is troubling you. A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment. Step back and observe yourself as you experience each moment. Be present. Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions. Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you. Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles.

Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now. Imagine that it’s not you, but a close friend who is facing this challenge. What advice would you give her? If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently? Think of the advice you would give your friend if she were in your shoes. Are you following your own best advice right now? Don’t allow your current troubles to cloud your thinking. Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Life Lessons From Mayweather’s Victory

1. Risk Must Be Calculated
For the overtly enthusiastic like me that followed most of the buildup leading up to the main event at Las Vegas, one thing was clear; the preparations in both Floyd and Conor’s camps were surreal. From a series of strenuous exercises in a specialized hydrotherapy pool to thorough paces at the gym, Conor McGregor was giving nothing away. However, for Floyd Mayweather and his Money team, they had their jobs well cut out. Mayweather was coming out of retirement at age 40 to risk his 49-match unbeaten record. Signing off to this duel was putting his place at the Hall of Fame at risk. However, it was a calculated one. The decision to pick up his gloves after about two years of inactivity was made easier by the choice of the opponent. McGregor was never a boxer. He is a martial artist at best. And while the outlier nature of the opponent must have been a risk in itself, Mayweather has been long enough in this business to know that it was a risk that was worth it. Aftercall, it will be a jubilee of unbroken successes. In life and in business, while it is great not be too risk averse, wisdom is imperative. Risks must be weighed, measured and calculated.

2. Pace Yourself
For the first three rounds of the match at least, it appeared as though McGregor was tearing apart the pundit books and shattering the earnings of the Casino lords. The Irish man was boxing Mayweather to a corner, with jabs that left the Money man far from comfortable. His tactics was simply to make him cower under the intense start. However, what McGregor didn’t realize is that this was a 12-round marathon. Boxing is not martial art where you can steal the show after 15 to 20 minutes. It was a marathon. McGregor had burn out in the latter stages where he needed his strength. Such is life; it is a marathon. You need to pace yourself. No one finds gold overnight or stumble upon an ‘Eureka’ moment in a flash. Life is a journey and must be lived one day at a time. McGregor was football’s equivalent of a happy kid with a PlayStation joystick. He was far too excited and the occasion got to him. While Mayweather saved his energy for the moments that matter, McGregor had lost his legs and tenacity by round eight. Life is a marathon, pace yourself and allow yourself time to grow into the race.

3. Cut off The Distractions
In-between you and point B, will be the ‘little foxes’ called distractions. The build up to the boxing event was dominated by all the pomp and pageantry there was in this world. Again, this shouldn’t irk anyone, as this was part of the business in staging this match. However, there is a sense that McGregor might have taken the glitz and fluff too far in his own preparations. The UFC Lightweight Champion stole the show in the days before this event. Some of his preparations were simply for the cameras and a handful of his press conferences leading up to Saturday’s fight had been rife with tension, bypassing entertainment for cringe-worthines. He had used racial slants, invited unwarranted guests into his UFC Performance Institute training center. The reality is that in life there will be side attractions to distract you away from the main event. While indulgences are a key part of life, moderation is key. At some point in the bout, McGregor was taunting and hurling words at Mayweather. What he failed to realize is that as soon as the main event kicked in, focus on the goal was everything. Mayweather has seen too much to be swayed by dirty talk. Call it exuberance, and you won’t be wrong. 29-year-old Conor McGregor didn’t know when to cut out the noises and distractions. This is a key life lesson.

4. Family Support System
One of a key member of the Money team was a certain Mr. Floyd Mayweather Senior, Mayweather’s father. Mayweather Snr played an integral role in the development of his son to boxing stardom - teaching him the art of the sport at a very fine age. A preacher of defence - his influence has helped Mayweather Jnr become the tough opponent he is. Though the duo had had their fair share of family animosity and showdown, Floyd Senior had remained Mayweather’s biggest fan and greatest support. When the night club lights are out, when the razzmatazz of Las Vegas life retreats for some sanity and the ShowTime blitz are over, one of the greatest mainstay of Mayweather will remain his father. For everything your friends mean to you, few will take the place of family. There is a reason why the most expensive footballer on planet earth (Neymar) has his father as agent. It has to also count for something that the greatest sisters in Tennis history were and are still being tutored by their father. For all the successes you will ever attain in life, family is a key support system you will always require. There was a moment in the third round of the bout in Las Vegas when McGregor was seemingly picking out Mayweather, during the interval, it was Floyd Snr that was in the face of Mayweather, psyching him up and playing a cheerleader role. There are moments in your life when the encouraging words of family is greater than the voices of the John Maxwells, Robert Kiyosakis and the likes.

5 Hard Things You Have to Do to Move Forward with Your Life

1. Practice thinking better about yourself.

You have to admit, you’ve spent a lot of your life subconsciously belittling yourself. Thinking you’re not enough. Trying to be someone else. Someone who fits in. Someone who’s less sensitive. Less needy. Less flawed. Less YOU. Because you felt broken, and you didn’t want to scare people away. You wanted them to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be seen as worthy and loveable. So you could feel healed and whole. And so for the longest time, behind a facade of fake smiles, you have inadvertently betrayed yourself for the purpose of pleasing everyone else. And for longest time, your heart has ached.

But you’re at a point now where you’re seeing things differently. The heartache just isn’t worth it anymore. Belittling yourself for one more day just doesn’t make any sense. And more than that, you now realize no matter what you do or how you change, some people will never be pleased anyway. You now realize you have to start doing things for the right reasons. Not because it’s what you think everyone else needs, but because you finally know yourself to be worthy of your own love and care. Not because other people approve of you, but because you are breathing your own air, thinking your own thoughts, and occupying a space no one else ever could. Yes, you are indeed worthy! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile. Even if your own confidence in yourself has been shaken! The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around. You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either.

Heal yourself by refusing to belittle yourself. Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-love and self-care a part of your daily rituals…Choose to think better about yourself, so you can live better in spite of yourself.

2. Consciously embrace the fact that you are more than the one broken piece of you.

When times are tough, and some piece of you is chipped and broken, it’s easy to feel like everything – ALL of you – is broken along with it. But that’s not true. We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this idea of what kind of person we are. When this idea gets even slightly harmed or threatened, we tend to react defensively and irrationally. People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism. Someone falsely accuses us of something and this damages our idea that we’re a good person, and so we get angry and attack the other person, or we cower and cry. And the list goes on. But the craziest thing is, oftentimes we are actually the ones harming and threatening ourselves with negativity and false-accusations…

Just this morning I was struggling to motivate myself to work on a new creative project I’ve been procrastinating on, so my identity of myself as someone who’s always productive and motivated and has great ideas suddenly came under attack. When I realized I wasn’t getting things done, it made me feel terribly self-conscious and upset because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was. I felt like a slacker. My solution was to realize that I’m not just one thing. I’m not always productive – sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m unproductive too. I’m not always motivated – sometimes I am, but other times I’m a bit lazy. And obviously I don’t always have great ideas either – because that’s impossible.

The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it’s not so fragile – so it doesn’t completely shatter when a small piece of it gets chipped. Then it doesn’t matter if someone occasionally thinks I didn’t do a good job, or if I sometimes catch myself not doing a good job – because I don’t always do a good job. I make mistakes. And that’s perfectly OK.

3. Change, evolve, and start over when you must.

“Starting over is not an option!” Unfortunately, that’s a lie many of us hold on to until the bitter end. The idea of starting over being a bad thing is baked right into the fabric of our society’s education system. We send our children to a university when they’re 17 or 18, and basically tell them to choose a career path they’ll be happy with for the next 40 years. “But, what if I choose wrong?” I remember thinking to myself. Over the years, however, through bouts of failure and hardship, I’ve learned the truth through experience: you can change paths anytime you want to, and oftentimes it’s absolutely necessary that you do. Yes, starting over and making substantial changes in your life is almost always feasible. Of course, it won’t be easy, but neither is being stuck with a lifelong career you naively chose when you were a teenager. And neither is holding on to something that’s not meant to be, or something that’s already gone.

The truth is, no one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And this is a perfect metaphor for life. Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past mistakes and regrets, and get you back on track. These words are: “From now on…”

So… from now on, what should you do? Anything. Something small. As long as you don’t just sit in your seat, strapped down to a destiny that isn’t yours. If you mess it up, start over. Try something else. Let go and grow! No doubt, one of the absolute hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss. Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. But letting go is generally the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxic thoughts and choices from the past and paves the way to make the most positive use of the present. You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from some of the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you. Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus yourself, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster! And oftentimes letting go is strictly about changing the labels you place on a situation – it’s looking at the same situation with fresh eyes and an open mind, and then making the best of it. It’s thinking better about the past and present, and then building small, life-changing daily rituals so you can start over again, and live better going forward.

4. Let go of the things you don’t need.

Eventually, most of us end up settling in some part of our life. We let go of certain ideals and dreams, we compromise, and we make trade-offs. We gradually learn that we can’t have everything we want, because not every outcome in life can be perfectly controlled. But if we pay close attention, we also learn that we can make the best of every outcome, and still get a lot of what we want in life, if we manage our time, energy and attitude appropriately. And these realizations collectively lead to an interesting question:

When should you settle, or compromise, and when should you continue fighting hard for what you ideally want to achieve? There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, but when you encounter a situation that forces you to choose between compromise and fighting forward against the opposition, it might help to also ask yourself: “Do I really need this, or do I just kinda want it?” Being able to distinguish needs from wants is essential in every walk of life. Never let go of an outcome you truly need in your life, but be reasonably flexible on the outcomes you want but could live fine without. In other words, choose your battles wisely, and don’t let “perfect” become the enemy of “great.” Remind yourself that what you pay attention to grows. So focus on what really matters and let go of what does not.

Don’t give up 50% of your life working 50-hour weeks at a day job that makes you absolutely miserable. Don’t abandon your sanity for the wrong reasons. Don’t neglect lifelong goals and dreams that have withstood the tests of time, and still bring incredible meaning into your life. If you really need something, fight hard for it! But for everything else, let go a little. Loosen your grip, compromise… settle. Settle on less of the unessential, to get more of what you really need and want in life.

5. Accept and embrace daily discomfort, for the right reasons.

Discomfort is a form of pain, but it isn’t a deep pain – it’s a shallow one. It’s the feeling you get when you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone. The idea of exercising in many people’s minds, for example, brings discomfort – so they don’t do it. Eating a spinach and kale salad brings discomfort too. So does meditating, or focusing on a difficult task, or saying “no” to others. Of course, these are just examples, because different people find discomfort in different things, but you get the general idea.

The key thing to understand is that most forms of discomfort actually help us grow into our strongest and smartest selves. However, many of us were raised by loving parents who did so much to make our childhoods comfortable, that we inadvertently grew up to subconsciously believe that we don’t need discomfort in our lives. And now we run from it constantly. The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.

But, again, it’s hard – really, really hard sometimes! There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. That’s not how we’re made. We’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall sometimes. Because that’s part of living – to face discomfort, learn from it, and adapt over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become. So when you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings. Just because today is uncomfortable and stressful, doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be wonderful. You just got to get there.

(MARCANDANGEL).