18 Things I Learnt in 2018

1. One day at a time. I have learnt that you will not always find all the answers, and some things will always remain grey. But the secret is to always take life one day at a time. Some things will only get clearer along the way. Don’t try to enter the future all at once. There is power in un-clarity.

2. Random check on people can be really powerful. A friend recounted to me how through a simple phone call she was able to salvage her friend who was on the brink of plunging into third mainland bridge. Care, and truly care for people. Ask ‘how are you’ and really mean it.

3. Dreams do come true. Earlier this year, I’d fiddled with the idea of how great it will be to speak on the TEDx stage someday. Interestingly, I wrote this as one of my 2018 goals even without having a clue on how. On December 1st, I ticked it off. It’s a cliché but you honestly have to see it, before you get it.

4. Stick to your plan. More than ever before, I have learnt the power of sticking to your plan; the latent power in following through. This takes discipline, but it will be worth it in the end.

5. Believe in miracles. The cynics and sceptics will easily want to brush this aside. They will tell you that there is a logical explanation for everything that happens in life. Believe what you may, but I choose to believe in miracles, and 2018 only reaffirmed this conviction.

6. To judge too quickly is both immature and inhuman. There is a bliss that comes when you are less critical of other people. People are going through stuff you have no clue about. And yes, you are not the finished article either.

7. You need to buy the ticket to win the lottery. This phrase is one I pulled out from the sporting books, but nothing can be truer. You can moan all you want, but nothing will change if you never try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. To never try is to never know.

8. Don’t always find a reason to help. Just be kind. In a world that is perpetually trying to tell you that you need a reason to do everything, this lesson is a path less travelled. You mustn’t have a reason to be kind. Be kind because it is the right thing to do. This is how we make the world a better place beyond rhetoric.

9. Reduce your circle. One of the things age brings to us is the realization that you don’t need too many friends. Your 5,000 friends on Facebook, 10,000 followers on Twitter and 20,000 Instagram fans are all statistics when all is said and done. You need a core, a small core. Those are the people that truly counts.

10. Movies are magical. Boy! They are! I was privileged to see many fascinating movies this year but three stand out for me. Black Panther, The Greatest Showman and Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys. They all stand out for various reasons. Take out time to see movies; they are magical.

11. The unforgotten story of the world cup. The 2018 world cup staged in Russia will always be remembered for various reasons, but it made my list for unconventional reasons. I learnt that talent is not enough, that you must reinvent yourself or go extinct, that character is everything and that football remains a powerful force.

12. Find and keep what makes you happy. Life is truly too short to spend it living a life that is not yours. Just as Steve Jobs once said, “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”

13. Understanding the malady that is societal pressure. More than ever before, I saw how this took a toll on lots of people this year. It is key to find what makes you thick, center yourself in it and define your own happiness. Never forget that you can never win with society.

14. It is fine to be tired. Realize that you will not always have it together. There are moments that tears will camp in your eyes, and your heart will ache. It is part of the journey. Rest because you are finite, but never settle there.

15. Stories matter. I like to refer to myself as a storyteller. I have always loved stories but this year, I must have read more stories than ever before. From Yaa Gyasi’s ‘Homegoing’ to Jowhor Ile’s ‘After Many Days’ to Ama Ata’s ‘No Sweetness Here’ and the list goes on. I reaffirmed my belief in stories and this culminated in me publishing my first novel, ‘Cacophony.’

16. The place of loyalty and the little things. If you are a political enthusiast, you will have had plenty to learn from Nigeria’s politics this year. There is so much to learn from the subtle fall of the once golden boy of APC, Akinwunmi Ambode. There is no point rehashing the drama here but there are lessons in loyalty and recognizing the little things (that mean so much) to be learnt.

17. Abuja is a great city. It is fitting that I am only learning this in 2018 but I needed to do a full circle on this one first. Abuja is truly a great city. The fantastic road network and the sanity of life makes it a great place. Will I choose it over Lagos? It depends.

18. Love remains a beautiful thing, so never get it twisted. This one explains itself. You might have been disappointed, heart broken or unlucky, but it doesn’t dowse the power of love. Love is and will always remain, a beautiful thing!

11 Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think

1. You are alive.

2. You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.

3. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.

4. You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.

5. You had a choice of what clothes to wear.

6. You haven’t feared for your life today.

7. You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.

8. You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.

9. You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.

10. You have access to the Internet.

11. You can read (my favorite).

(MARCANDANGEL).

A List To Live By

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14 If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years will it matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone for everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family will.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

(MarcandAngel).

Cut People Some Slack (My Story)

I was in the queue to check into an hotel when a man probably in his early 40's brisked pass me so fast that he nearly knocked me off. The hotel security was quick to point out to him that there is a queue and he will have to be behind me. The man glanced at me with scornful eyes and responded in a fierce voice 'Nonsense. I am checking in now.' His accent gave him away as French. The hotel security were going to begin a scene but I told them not to bother, that I will wait.

Interestingly, there was another opening at an alternative check in counter so I simply made my way there. I was still concluding my check in modalities when I heard the same French man screaming at the hotel attendant. Clearly, there was an issue with his booking and he was not taking any prisoners on that. He was making his feelings known, never mind that the fault might have been his.

I had finished my check in modalities but I observed that this man was still there, cursing and somewhat flustered. I told the concierge to take my stuff to the room and I remained there, determined to have a conversation with this man. Not to return his insults but to make it clear to him that he should learn some decorum and respect others. So I waited and waited.

Eventually, the man was asked to wait at the reception as further confirmation was required to validate his booking. It was at this point I approached him, still poised to 'clear him.' However, as I approached where he was seated I noticed that his eyes were heavy, his shoulders slumped and his countenance was uneasy. I changed my script at this point and simply said 'Hi.' He looked up at me and was quick to say how sorry he was for the earlier episode. He added that he was having a rough patch. Curious, both genuinely and in a typical 'amebo' way I was quick to tell him that his apology was accepted and that I didn't come to start another scene. He was grateful. Then I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he was just flying in from France on a company business and that he had to leave his 7 year old son behind who was battling a severe brain tumour. His only child. He further mentioned that his wife had just passed away. He clearly didn't want to make the trip but he had to as this was critical for his company. Hence, everything was getting to him.

I felt sad for him. I had no words but to just listen to him and all I could say at the end was 'Take it easy. It will be fine.' Thankfully, his booking had been sorted at this point. He thanked me and we parted ways.

Truly, we are all going through stuff. To recognize this is to be easy on people. Most often than not, people's reaction towards you is not always about you. There is a 'world' they are reacting to. You are only an outlet. Even when your ego is bruised and you want to rightly stand up for yourself, remember this truth and just be nice and kind.

For when all is said and done, we will all have bad days. Days when our tempers will flare, days when life will stretch our patience and circumstances will almost bring us to a breaking point. The key is that we cut people some slack on their bad days, safe in the thought that the world will be easy on us too on our worse days.

Why Mourinho Polarizes Opinion

From his teething coaching days in Benfica, Jose Mourinho already had the makings of pure box office. The notoriety became pronounced after he lifted the Champions League trophy with FC Porto, against all odds. His arrival in English football at the summer of 2004 fully entrenched him into footballing lexicon; and coaching narrative was going to be redefined forever.

Today, one can clearly say that Jose has come of age in coaching terms. He has been around for the better part of two decades, and irrespective of the disdain anyone holds for him, he is an undisputed serial winner. Since 2002, Mourinho has won eight league titles across Portugal, England, Italy and Spain. He has bagged the Champions League twice, won the Europa League twice and added thirteen other domestic cups along the way. Yet, each time Jose Mourinho’s name is in the narrative, there is still a contention, a polarization of opinion and a twinge of vitriolic spewing around in the verbiage. The kind that is not present when a certain Pep Guardiola or Sir Alex Ferguson are being discussed.

To my mind, there are two issues here. Jose Mourinho’s brand of football has always had pragmatism at the center. In his early days, this was perfectly acceptable as perhaps only Barcelona had the prerogative of being tagged ‘tiki-taka.’ But football has evolved since 2004, and sadly Jose has not done enough to evolve with it. From Manchester City to Liverpool, to Napoli to Bayer Munich, there is now more to winning than the score line. Most of the aforementioned clubs have showed that it is possible to win and win well. Jose’s plight has also been made complicated by the fact that he is not winning as much these days. A lot can be overlooked by a good run of results, but the diverse scrutiny is unleashed when this is not a given. But this is not all of Jose’s sins. He has also earned a reputation as the master of the dark acts in coaching. From storming off the pitch before full time, to poking the eyes of then Barcelona assistant manager, Tito Vilanova, he hasn’t covered himself in glory. Football is a game of passion and emotions, and it is acceptable in speaking terms that a manager or player will lose his head every now and then but there is something gross about Jose’s history in this regard. An evidence of that can be seen in his treatment by Chelsea fans at the last visit of Manchester United to the Bridge. There is a place for footballing rivalry but to be so grossly scorned by a set of fans you helped put their football club on the map probably says a lot about you as a person. One cannot purge the Chelsea fans of all blames though and it is perhaps true that Jose Mourinho will be truly revered when he eventually calls it quit on the touchline.

Jose Mourinho will remain a legend and his coaching exploits will forever be extant. But when he does a genuine inquest he will see that much of the inimical narrative that accompanies him, he brought upon himself. Fans like the rest of the world move on eventually but character, grace and reputation are hallmarks of a man that will always be remembered in the final analysis.

5 “Notes to Self” About the Precious Little Time You Have Left

1. Opportunity is only ever found in the present.
Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness and peace. Don’t be one of them. Life is too short. Time is running out. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace is letting this moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it.

If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your present and future through that same dirty lens and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment. Realize this. What you do now matters more than what happened yesterday.

2. Your entire life can be customized from day to day.
There are hundreds of people in every town on Earth who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t be one of them. Don’t settle for the default settings in life.

Find your loves, your talents, your passions, and embrace them. Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions. Don’t let others tell you what you want, or what you are capable of. Explore the unknown! Test the limits! Design YOUR journey every step of the way. The life you create from doing something that moves and excites you is far better than the life you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.

3. The willingness to do hard things makes life worth living.
If you want a job, be ready to work. If you want a relationship, be ready to work. If you want a family, be ready to work. If you want happiness, be ready… To learn and earn and give and grow, NOT just want and have and take and show.

Truth be told, one of the most important abilities you can develop in life is the willingness to accept and grow through life’s challenges and discomforts. Because the best things are often hard to come by, at least initially. And if you shy away from hard work and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them entirely. Mastering a new skill is hard. Building a business is hard. Writing a book is hard. A marriage is hard. Friendship is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying healthy is hard. But all are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster.

4. Daily kindness is a beautiful legacy to leave behind.
Some people will be kind to you. Some won’t. Be kind anyway.

Through kindness you have the ability to make a profound difference in every life you touch, including your own. When you guide somebody who is lost and confused, when you hold somebody who is sad and grieving, when you hug somebody who has lost all their hope, you too will feel yourself healing and growing stronger.

So just keep reminding yourself that you will end up terribly disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart, strength and inner resolve as you. No matter what has happened, or what happens today, let kindness be your superpower. Being extra kind to people is a peaceful way to live in each moment, and a beautiful legacy to leave behind in the long run.

5. Everything will change again, faster and sooner than expected.
Nothing lasts. Everything changes. Day to day is a winding journey.

As human beings we are constantly outgrowing what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and falling in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life literally keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey.

You will gradually learn that nobody gets too far without losing somebody they love, something they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these very losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities. Embrace these opportunities. Enter new relationships and new situations, knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to experience something or meet somebody that just might change your life forever.

(MARCANDANGEL).

In The Final Analysis, It Is One Life We Are All Given

Nia Vardalos once said ‘You only get one life so you might as well make it a happy one, and that's why I tend to just jump into things. I'm sort of a fearless idiot that way.’ It is a cliché which we have heard from time immemorial that life is short. But how many of us actually live our day to day lives like we’re really going to die one day? Aware that this thing called life is fleeting, and more importantly, a non-rehearsal.

Many of us live lives filled with tedium, responsibilities, and unpleasant chores. We spend so much of our mental energy just getting through each day that it’s easy to forget that our time on earth is finite, that each moment we fritter away is a moment we will never get back. This is a reality that though many are aware of, has not really sunk in.

Everything you desire in life has a price and you have to be willing to accept that price. If you desire to do great work, it will cost you. Likewise, security and comfort will cost you. If you want a luxury apartment with a wrap-around sectional couch in leather with stainless steel legs, it will cost you. In the same vein, there is a cost for not living your life to the fullest. Days will be drudging and hardly rewarding if you live this way. It is important that whatever career path you take in life, you don’t lose your spark and adventure.

There is an avalanche of literature that preaches on the need to be careful in life and lead a conservative life. The real question, however, is what is the price of throwing caution to the wind? Often time, it is not as huge as your mind or people will make you believe. However, to not do is to never know. It goes without saying that there is a plethora of people who had the Facebook ‘kind’ dream before Mark Zuckerberg, who conceived the blogging pattern before Linda Ikeji, and the list is endless. The difference is that Mark and Linda did something, understanding that it is much more rewarding to fail and try than to have done nothing, to have never ventured.

Taking a creative risk and stepping off the status quo treadmill requires bravery. It demands embracing risk, and fighting the good fight to face your fears of financial doom without bailing at the first sign of discomfort. The discomfort is just a test. In Bert’s Commencement Speech titled ‘Define Your Own Success and Go Against Life’s Comfort Zone’ he made a striking remark “First, “cool” is way overrated. Cool is a filter that allows inhibitions and prevents you from doing what you REALLY want to do because you feel you’ll be judged. I never got on a dance floor when I was younger for fear I’d be laughed at. I married a woman that loves to dance and I now wonder how many memories I’ve lost by not sharing a dance floor with the woman I love most. Every time you allow cool to win, you cheat yourself of living life to its fullest on your own terms. Which brings me to this. Live life to the fullest on your own terms. Pioneer your own way. Trail blaze your unique path. Others’ social rules can’t apply to you because none of us have the same DNA. Go against what’s popular. Be brave enough to be questioned because you went against life’s comfort zone.”

If you ask me, the best way to start living each day to the fullest, and the best way to live life to the fullest, it is to live your life from the end. To contemplate deeply on the truth of impermanence and to admit to yourself that “What is born will die, what has been gathered will be dispersed, what has been accumulated will be exhausted, what has been built up will collapse, and what has been high will be brought low.” ~ Sogyal Rinpoche. Because only when you understand that you have a limited time here on this Earth and only when you admit to yourself that you’re not going to live forever you will start to live each day to the fullest… loving and appreciating yourself, your life and the world around you and making the best of everything life has to offer you. We only get one life. Don’t spend it all at work. Forget working 24/7 and giving 200%. Be great at your job but try things that are outside of work too. An adventurous life is a life well spent, because 15 years from now when you look back over your life, you will regret more the things you didn’t do, than the things you did. The opportunities you allowed go by, the kind words you left unspoken, the places you didn’t visit, the hobby you didn’t pursue, the adventure you didn’t explore and the family time you didn’t spend are all the kind of regrets that can come with always playing it safe. It is true that we only have one life but if we live it to the utmost fullest, it should well be enough.

Randy Pausch, in his 2008 Carnegie Mellon Commencement Speech made a fitting admonition “We don’t beat the Grim Reaper by living longer, we beat the Reaper by living well and living fully, for the Reaper will come for all of us. The question is what do we do between the time we are born and the time he shows up.”

(Culled from my book ‘The Path Less Travelled’ https://www.amazon.com/Path-Less-Travelled-Reflections-Learning/dp/1540663507v ).

10 Hard Things to Remember When You Feel Like Giving Up

1. In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; it’s the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.

2. There is no success without unrelenting love. Love is the foundation of human progress. Don’t give up on it. Instead, love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most.

3. Putting in extra love and effort—doing the hard things—is always worth it. Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

4. The most powerful weapon against immediate stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. Train your mind to see the silver linings. Positivity is a choice. The happiness and effectiveness of your life in the long run depends on the quality of your thoughts today.

5. Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative; it means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two, and it all starts with your thinking.

6. Life will take things from you, and give things to you, gradually and continuously. It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Do your best to embrace life’s uncertainties as they arise. Some of the best chapters in your life won’t have a title you feel fully comfortable with until later. Don’t give up too soon.

7. The petty drama of an average day doesn’t need to get the best of you. Be selective in your battles. You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever they are going through at the moment, which has nothing to do with you. Just keep doing your thing with as much love and integrity as possible.

8. When your marriage, parenting, faith, etc. gets tough, it’s not an immediate sign that you’re doing it wrong. These intimate, intricate aspects of life are toughest when you’re doing them right—when you’re dedicating time, having the tough conversations, and making daily sacrifices.

9. Hard situations build strong people. You may have seen better days, but you have also seen worse. You might not have all your wants, but you do have what you need right now. You woke up with a few aches and pains, but you woke up. Your life may not be perfect, but it is good. And more good things are coming down the road as long as you keep moving forward.

10. Inner strength, courage and love don’t always sing out loud. Sometimes these qualities are merely embodied by a deep breath and a soft whisper at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try my best again tomorrow.”

(MARCANDANGEL).

Nigeria on the Crucible

It was Theodore Roosevelt who once said that 'There comes a time in the life of a nation, as in the life of an individual, when it must face great responsibilities, whether it will or not. We have now reached that time.' The time Roosevelt refereed to is so apt that failure to act has the potency to plunge the next generation into despair.

It is cliche that there are so many issues bedeliving our nation today. It is also true that we are a people forged by perennial and untold hardship, that have made us resilent; too resilent in fact, that it has toiled with our collective senses.

Amidst the heightened political climate, the nation celebrates her 58 years of independence. With only two years to it becoming six decades of self rule, we find ourselves singing the same song, grappling with familiar spirits and contending with ominious signs. Beyond the political hysteria of the PDP potential presidential candidate, the chronicled travails of Ambode in Lagos politics, the intrigues of the just concluded Osun governorship election and the many political sub-plots across various states, this is the time to purge ourselves of sentiments, maintain a clear head and show an unadulterated conscience. It has been said and not without reason that politicians are at the bane of our national plight for many years. Nigerians must refuse to be blind acolytes to any political stalwart or flawed interest. We must speak up and act, away from the comfort of tweets and Facebook posts. There comes a time when what is needed is not just rhetoric, but boots on the ground. Everyone must take a position, realizing that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of moral crisis maintain their neutrality. For there comes a time when silence becomes betrayal.

The elites of society must also snap out of their docility, for to think one is rich in the midst of squalor is delusional. The story of Nigeria's increasing poverty populace is one that should give the so called middle class and elites sleepless nights. In today's Nigeria, the inequality gulf is so sharp and wide. The very rich live side by side with the very poor. This is a time bomb. For one day when the poor has nothing to eat, he will eat the rich.

To end with the words of Martin Luther King Jnr, 'There comes a time when one must take the position that is neither safe nor politic nor popular, but he must do it because conscience tells him it is right.' In the final narrative, Nigeria does not need new heros. We have had and still have enough of them. What is required is for us to recover our collective senses, accept the home truth that we have been passive and ruled by petty interests for too long, and act to change the tide. The 2019 general elections provide us with an opportunity.

Restoring The Faith You Once Had in Yourself

Many of the most meaningful results you will ever achieve in your life—the milestones, the relationships, the love, the lessons—come from the little things you do repeatedly, every single day.

Regardless of your unique talents, knowledge, and life circumstances, or how you personally define success and happiness, you don’t suddenly become successful and happy. You become successful and happy over time based on your willingness to try again and again—to create little daily rituals that amass little bits of progress, through thick and thin.

So, what do your little daily rituals look like?

You really have to sort this out, and get consistent with what’s right for you on a daily basis! Because failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (those that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail big. Think in terms of running a business…

You keep failing to check the books.
You keep failing to make the calls.
You keep failing to listen to your customers.
You keep failing to innovate.
You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done.
Then one day you wake up and your whole business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis—your rituals—not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event.

Now, think about how this relates to your life: your life is your “business!”

Remind yourself that the vast majority of the results in your life—positive and negative alike—are the product of many small decisions made over time. The little things you do today, and tomorrow, and the next day, matter!

Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and small steps of progress on a daily basis. Don’t be one of them!

Next, is the concept of taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. It might seem ridiculously obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into taking on too much too soon. Let this common mistake—this quick-fix mentality—be your wake-up call today.

You really can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you there. It doesn’t happen in an instant, but it does happen a lot faster than not getting there at all.

Do your best to consciously shift your focus away from the big goals—the big ideals—you want to achieve in your life and toward the little daily rituals that support them. Consider the following…

If you’re a competitive athlete, your goal is to win sports competitions. Your ritual is the time you dedicate each day to training your body (and mind).
If you’re a university student, your goal is to learn and earn a degree. Your ritual is your daily study habits.
If you’re a parent, your goal is to be a great role model. Your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a good example each day.
If you’re a human being, your goal is to live a happy, meaningful life. Your ritual is the small, positive steps forward you take every day.
Lastly, restoring your faith in yourself is arguably the most significant hidden benefit of consistently practicing a daily ritual—of trying again and again and again. In fact, what I lacked before I learned to implement these kinds of daily rituals was the faith that I was actually capable of achieving the positive results I desired in my life. I had tried so many quick fixes in the past that ended in failure, and had grown so discouraged in myself, that I began subconsciously choosing procrastination over future attempts to fulfill the little promises I made to myself—to learn, to grow, and to make progress in various ways.

In essence, I lost faith in both my ability and myself. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you—eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the little promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually, you stop trusting yourself.

And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to restore your faith and trust gradually, with small promises, small steps (your daily rituals), and small victories. Again, this process takes time, but it happens if you stick to it. And it’s undoubtedly one of the most important, life-changing things you can do for yourself.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Poem - You Are Always In My Thoughts

Your soothing hands caresses my fragile heart
Your piercing fingers claw on my feeble mind
Your sonorous voice whispers into my troubled ears
And it dawned on me, that you are always in my thoughts.

Your endearing image looms large in my fickle head
Your enchanting smile plagues my imagination
Your ensnaring laughter fills my bowels
Again, it dawned on me, you are always in my thoughts.

There is no route to let go
There is no magic to forgetting
There is no courage to manning up
For you are always in my thoughts.

I see you in the subtleties of my moments
I see you in the trenches of my struggles
I see you in the naked places of my heart
I see you in the flashes of my tired days
For you are always in my thoughts.

It is you I cling to when spirit sag
It is you I run to when bravery eludes
It is you I find when the weight of the world presses
It is you I see when tears clog my weary eyes.

I can never fully forget
For you are firmly resident, in the chambers of my thoughts.

Stop Waiting: One Lesson Too Many People Learn Too Late

You need to do the things most people avoid, such as those that make you uncomfortable, that are far easier to run from, that others won’t do for you, that make you second-guess yourself and question how you’re going to find the time and energy to push forward.

Why?

Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises and one filled with progress, value and fulfillment.

The key?

Consistent passionate action!

Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each moment full of passion and purpose—that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. Consider this excerpt from our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs:

Passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to force yourself to step forward.

Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion”—something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And we say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.

On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:

When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
When was the last time you truly tried—truly tried—to do your very best?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about—some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!

Put your whole heart and soul into life!
Do the hard and necessary things, right NOW, with your whole heart and soul fully invested! Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Corruption As Nigeria’s Number One Enemy

“To act without a conscience, but for a paycheck, makes anyone a dangerous animal. The devil would be powerless if he couldn't entice people to do his work. So as long as money continues to seduce the hungry, the hopeless, the broken, the greedy, and the needy, there will always be war between brothers.”
― Suzy Kassem

It is almost a cliché in this part of the world that corruption is a nagging menace; yet not many fully grasp how deep the cancer has eaten into our national fabric and permeated our collective soul. The statistics shows us as one of the most corrupt countries in the world but the full extent of that might have eluded the statisticians themselves. When the then U.K Prime Minister, David Cameron, described Nigeria as ‘fantastically corrupt’ you can bet he didn’t have the full picture of how dire the situation is. His remarks understandably brought a diplomatic uproar between Nigeria and the U.K, but he was putting it mildly, and for those with clear minds and conscientious spirits you can tell that he was bloody right.

In April 2018, the EFCC chairman, Ibrahim Magu, announced that 739 billion naira has been recovered by the agency in the first two years of his stewardship. Depending on who you read, these figures might be higher. When you situate this against the backdrop of several corruption trails ongoing and the loots of the past (most notorious of which were the 16 billion dollars power charade and the 322 million dollars unending Abacha loot), it helps the context. Ours is not just a fantastically corrupt country, it is one crippled by it.

President Buhari’s fight against corruption has been criticized for being selective, haphazard and targeted for political vendetta. While the argument seems valid on face value, it pales in logical scrutiny. In saner climes, the only reasonable question that will be asked is: Those being prosecuted, do they have a case to answer? Our common wealth have been amassed by a few with sagging conscience and mindless impunity and that is the real issue. As for the cronies in Buhari’s administration, you can be sure that it is only a matter of time. The purge might be one-sided but it doesn’t mean there is no need for a purge. Sadly, we live in a society where everything is politics, and politics is everything. Don’t be conned; many of those that go on television to tell you that our ‘democracy is under siege’ because they were invited by one agency or the other to answer for their sins, are riding on sentiments that only the gullible will afford them. The Nigerian political class in their current form and make-up, are the real dangers to our fragile democracy.

Systemic corruption is perhaps the biggest problem we have in the war against corruption in Nigeria. While we must recover our stolen wealth; we must ensure that there are adequate controls that makes corruption, stealing and graft extremely difficult. In too many of our agencies and parastatals, those that are at the top are often in a conundrum. There is something about our structure and system that over-empowers the men at the top such that the checks and balances on their offices are relaxed, if not non-existent in most cases. While it takes integrity to do the right thing, we must ensure that we don’t make doing the wrong thing a glaring and an appealing alternative. In the same light, we must ensure that we strip political offices of the sheer enticement it currently commands. It boggles the mind how a nation with the largest number of poor people (by UN global standards) will be one of if not the country with the highest paid legislators and executives.

The cleansing and full purging of corruption from our national life can never be a quick fix. Irrespective of who emerges president in 2019, the task remains humongous and painstaking if not completely overwhelming. Credible and competent leadership might be at the heart of the redemptive work required to return Nigeria to its glory path, but corruption is at the crucible.

How to Find Gratitude When Everything Goes Wrong

How to Find Gratitude Around Difficult People

We expect people to behave a certain way. Specifically, we expect them to always treat us kindly, fairly and respectfully. But the reality is some people won’t. They will lose their tempers or act foolishly, regardless of how we treat them. This must be accepted. Don’t lower your standards, but do remind yourself that removing your expectations of others—especially those who are being difficult—is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. You will end up sadly disappointed if you expect others will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. Not everyone’s heart is filled with genuine gratitude. When you’re forced to deal with a difficult person, you can be grateful for having other people in your life who are far less difficult. You can be grateful for having a way to practice being better at patience, communication, and tempering your expectations. You can think of this person as a teacher, who is inadvertently helping you to grow stronger as a person. And, at the very least, you can be grateful for them because they serve as a great reminder of how not to be.

How to Find Gratitude When You Catch Yourself Complaining

Many of us are have developed a subtle habit of complaining about life. We might not even notice how often we’re doing it, but every time we experience some tension in our lives (things not going exactly our way), we immediately feel bitterness. This bitterness is a form of complaining, and it’s a common way we waste our lives. Gratitude is the antidote. Each time you notice yourself feeling bitter, or complaining, notice that you have a story in your mind that’s causing you to feel the way you do. Notice that you’re letting this story about “how life should be” dominate you. Then, find a small way to be grateful instead: What could you be grateful for right now, if you really wanted to be grateful? What could you appreciate about this moment? Seriously, when life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive. Remember, there’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

How to Find Gratitude When You Are Overwhelmed

The familiar faces, places, situations and obligations we rely on and interact with daily… they overwhelm us sometimes, especially when we’re taking them for granted. Have you ever noticed how the more familiar you become with an amazing situation or relationship in your life, the more you seem to take it for granted? And then, as it becomes more “expendable” in your subconscious mind, the more it seems to “overwhelm” you on busy days? You somehow grow to feel like this amazing thing is getting in your way, even though it isn’t—it’s YOU that’s getting in your way. The bottom line is that we often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. So, challenge yourself to flip your perspective in moments of overwhelm, using a simple re-framing tool called “… AND I LOVE IT!” “… AND I LOVE IT!” is a phrase that can be applied to the end of any overwhelming thought. Because, again, the everyday things that overwhelm us are often blessings in disguise. OK, now for some harder stuff…

How to Find Gratitude After Job Loss

No one wins at chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And that’s a good metaphor for your life’s work, too. As painful as losing your job is, it’s an ending that leads to the beginning of everything that comes next. Let the heaviness of being successful be replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again. This new beginning is the start of a different story, the opportunity to refresh your life, to reinvent who you are. See the beauty in this opportunity—the freedom and liberation from a fixed routine—a solid foundation from which you can rebuild certain aspects of your life the way you always wanted it to be. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you can find gratitude for where you are. You can find gratitude for these moments of reinvention—for pushing into the discomfort of getting good at interviewing, learning new skills and leveling up. You can find gratitude for the opportunity to grow stronger, even in the midst of the growing pains that ultimately get you there.

How to Find Gratitude Amidst Health Problems

Everyone is down on the pain inflicted by health problems, and when we experience this kind of pain we usually say we have nothing to be grateful for, because we forget something important about what we’re going through: The pain of a health problem is for the living ONLY—for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. A couple short years ago, on the second to last day of her life, a close friend of mine told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the last two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently, and truly appreciated every step,” she said. “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.’” Her words made me cry and smile at the same time. What was truly miraculous was seeing the genuine gratitude in her eyes at that moment. She was sincerely grateful for actually being able to accomplish everything she had accomplished in her final two years. And her sentiment has always remained with me. So, while I agree that health problems are never fun, and can often be very painful and debilitating, the pain can still be mediated by a sense of gratitude of being alive. Of still having a chance to move forward. Of still having a life worth living, from moment to precious moment.

How to Find Gratitude When Someone You Love Dies

One of the absolute hardest realities to cope with is death. A person who gave meaning to our life is now no longer in our life (at least not in the flesh), and we are not the same person without them. We have to change who we are—we are now a best friend who sits alone, a widow instead of a wife, a dad without a daughter, or a next-door neighbor to someone new. We want life to be the way it was, before death, and yet it never will be. But, can we still be grateful we had the gift of this person in our lives? Yes. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss—you will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, we gradually learned that this is also the good news. Ultimately, we grew to appreciate that although death is an ending, it is also a necessary part of living. And even though endings like these often seem ugly, they are necessary for beauty too—otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the ultimate limit—a reminder that we need to be aware of this beautiful person, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Death is also a beginning, because while we have lost someone special, this ending, like the loss of any wonderful life situation, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces us to gradually reinvent our lives, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the beauty they showed us.

(MARCANDANGEL).

The Elder Moves On...

They say every good thing must come to an end.
They say cherish every moment for you might not have them forever.
They say create many memories while you can, you never know who will move on.
They say goodbye is a bitch. For why do we ever have to say goodbye to those that have become a part of us?

Today we all gather
To garner our thoughts
To unlock our love
To pander our best wishes
To celebrate a man of Olympian heights.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Our love For you is a surety
Just like hopes springing high
Hopes of a girl with a promise of an iPhone x, our hopes that the rest of your life will be a beauty is doubtless.

You are a bundle of unquenching energy
A beehive of unquestionable joy
A good man
An elder whose looks betray his age
A fine gentleman and a man of diverse parts
With hair so black, full and kinky...it makes the ladies aspire.

You mean many things to different people
Some call you elder, others call you unrelenting DJ
But to us, you are simply more than words can aptly articulate.

You do not paint like Michelangelo, but you have painted many lives with your personality
You do not write like Shakespeare, but you have written your names in the sands of time
You do not play by DJ Jimmy Jatt, yet your life is an eternal sonorous music of laughter
You do not shoot like Cristiano Ronaldo, but you have shoot many people into joy
You do not sprint like Usain Bolt, but you have shown that slow and steady win the race
You do not scheme like Bukola Saraki, yet you possess an uncanny wisdom, undisputed
You do not command riches like Dangote, but the riches of your life cannot be measured.

Today, our loss becomes your family's gain
And though this will fully begin to dawn until when we won't see your red flashlights anymore.
And we must grapple with your absence at the office
And find a way to trudge on without one of our own
Always know that our best thoughts go with you.
Our hearts reserve a special place for you.
And most importantly, remember that in whatever you do, we will be there for you. Ensuring that you will never walk alone!
This is not goodbye!!

*Dedicated to a dear collegue and friend.

12 “Notes to Self” About the Hard Things You Need to Do to Be Happy

1. Note to Self: You need to choose yourself today. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Make YOUR priorities a top priority. Don’t wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself, today!

2. Note to Self: You need to start long before you feel ready. – If you wait until you feel 100% ready, you will be waiting the rest of your life. Realize this! Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them.

3. Note to Self: You need to let your actions speak loud and clear. – A big part of your life is a result of your choices. If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start making changes and new choices. And it’s OK to be low-key about it. You don’t need to put everything on social media. Silently progress and let your actions today speak for themselves.

4. Note to Self: You need to delete the distractions you often engage in. – If it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s just a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kind of want at the moment. Study your habits and rituals. Figure out where your time goes, and delete distractions. It’s time to focus more on what matters.

5. Note to Self: You need to embrace discomfort for the right reasons. – Everything gets a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better. Be patient and remind yourself: Life never gets easier, you just get stronger.

6. Note to Self: You need to be willing to struggle for progress. – As you struggle, remember, it is far better to be exhausted from lots of effort and learning, than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. Effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger, more educated, and more experienced.

7. Note to Self: You need to deliver results, even when making excuses is easier. – NO shortcuts. NO quick fixes. NO blaming others. NO “I’ll do it tomorrows.” NO MORE EXCUSES! Just get started. Quit talking and begin doing! Laziness may appear attractive, but work leads to progress and long-term fulfillment.

8. Note to Self: You need to embrace where you are, even as you move forward. – Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress — which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once. Just embrace where you are! The route you traveled to this point no longer matters, for nothing can be done to change it. What matters is what you do from here, in this moment.

9. Note to Self: You need to love exactly what you are doing, at all times. – There is no progress without love. Being productive is a byproduct of loving what you do. So… love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most. Keep applying this philosophy to all aspects of your life.

10. Note to Self: You need to trust the journey. – Someday you will understand the reasons — that it had to happen, just the way it did… to give you the lessons you needed to grow. It’s never ideal, and it’s rarely easy, but what doesn’t break you today only makes you stronger in the end. Take a deep breath right now, and keep going.

11. Note to Self: You need to focus only on what you can control at the present moment. – The challenge is ultimately to take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. Don’t get caught up in what you can’t control. Accept it and make the best of it. When you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have more time and energy to change the things you can control. And that changes everything in the long run.

12. Note to Self: You need to keep your expectations of others in check along the way. – Don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. You will end up sadly disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. The key is in not being emotionally co-dependent on other people’s behaviors. Don’t let your expectations of others hold you back from being the best you can be.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Stop And Ponder on These Life Questions…

Today, I want to share with you some profound questions to help you reflect on life generally. Whatever phase you might be in your life, I hope these questions help you pounder, give you new perspectives and help you soldier on in your journey.

1: What are my values?
What matters to you most in this world? What will you passionately fight for?

2: Am I living my values?
Is there congruence between what you say is important, and what you are doing? Is there any aspect of your life where you are not being true to yourself, or not living in authenticity?

3: In looking back over the last 1-5 years, where did I go right?
Especially in times of difficulty, it's hard to recognize our good decisions, and our wins. Acknowledging them as we intentionally move into the future empowers us to seek out people and experiences that set us up for success.

4: In looking back over the last 1-5 years, where did I go wrong?
Similarly, where did you experience setbacks? Recognizing these setbacks, in the totality of all of your experiences, empowers you to avoid these mistakes in the future.

5: What scares me or causes me to procrastinate?
What is holding you back from making an important decision or taking a risk? What circumstance is causing you to stay in a comfort zone, impeding you to embrace a calling or chase a dream?

6: How can I take better care of myself?
Good health is true wealth. What health habits can you drop or add to your daily lifestyle to improve your condition, and minimize your risk for getting sick or requiring medication?

7: Do I have the right people around me?
We are the average of the 5-10 people closest to us. Are your closest friends a reflection of your value system and your goals for your life?

8: How am I improving life for others?
How are you contributing, even in a small way, to making life better for others? How are you living your life in such a way that it is not all about your own personal gain? Service to others is the easiest way to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, which is directly linked to happiness.

9: To whom do I need to apologize?
Is there someone in your life you have wronged? If yes, then that is an open wound for both parties. Can you step forward to apologize and to find closure before you turn the calendar?

10: Who must I thank, either for forgiveness, or for making a positive difference in my life or in the life of someone I love?
Who in your life deserves your appreciation? If someone has measurably impacted your life in a positive way, it is a gift to both of you to share your gratefulness.

11: For what must I forgive myself?
How have you been punishing yourself? Can you reach a place of self-forgiveness through self-compassion? Can you create a clean slate of self-acceptance?

12: What do I finally need to accept and embrace about myself, rather than seeing it as a weakness?
We are all our own worst critics. This inner critic never serves us. What can you finally accept about yourself, and perhaps even come to love and appreciate? Can you start now?

13: What is one quantum leap forward I have achieved since this time last year? What have you overcome? What have you concluded? What recognition have you earned as a result of hard work? What goal did you meet?

14: What is one accomplished quantum leap forward I will be able to name at this time next year, when I reflect back? How will you make your mark in the next year?

15: Finally, what is worth smiling about right now, at this precise moment in time?
Right now... at this VERY moment, what three things in your life bring a smile to your face? Now, pause and say thank-you.

I wish you success with your introspection as we enter the second half of 2018.

7 Big Lessons From The 2018 World Cup!

The 2018 Russian world cup have been a tale of excitement, glitz and football that keeps giving. To borrow the words of Peter Drury, where does football go from here? That's how good the 64 games played over 30 days have been. Yet, amidst the glitz and fanfare, there were a few takeaways to pick up.

1. Talent is not enough: Portugal and Argentina
That the best two players (Ronaldo and Messi) in the world were out of the World Cup by the round of 16 speaks volume in itself. For all the talent in the world, Ronaldo and Messi couldn't do it on their own. They needed the team. When all is said and done, the stars take you far but the great teams forged with grit, character and teamwork will take you all the way. Both Argentina and Portugal pride themselves with famous names in their squads such as Sergio Aguero, Gonzalo Hinguain and Ricardo Quaresma, but talent wasn't enough. The good old adage still holds true.

2. Reinvent yourself or go extinct: Germany
Germany came into the world cup as both defending champions and the bookmakers favourite. The Germans had a nagging statistics to contend with though. The previous two defending champions (Italy and Spain) were knocked out at the group stages in 2010 and 2014 respectively. The reality is that as a champion in every sphere of life, you need to continually seek out ways to reinvent yourself and remain relevant. It goes without saying that the rest of the pack are often working hard to knock the market leader off the top spot. The example of Nokia comes to mind as they remained stagnant despite being the leader in the telephone market. Their albatross was to do nothing while the smartphone brands innovated.

3. Measure your own success: Panama

Panama were one of the great delights at the 2018 world cup. The nation of about 4 million people were making their world cup debut against all odds and they savoured every moment of it. The fans were thrilled and the players were equally delighted. In their second group game against England, they were 6 goals down when Felipe Baloy scored and the fans, players and coaching staff brought the roof down. Any bystander will wonder at their joy but this was a country measuring their own success by their yardstick. It butresses the point that when all is said and done, you are your own competition and the goal should always be to out-do your past. Panama knew they were not Spain or Brazil; they knew what they were. God bless their soul.

4. Seize the big moments: Modric and Mbappe
Kylian Mbappe might be only 19, but boy! He is the real deal! The PSG star made history when he became only the second teenager to score in the world cup final after Pele. The game against Argentina where he grabbed a brace was his announcement to the world. Every world cup tournament provides an opportunity for a player to grab it by the scruff of the neck and say to it 'I will seize you,' and that was what Mbappe did. Also doing that seizure with him was Luka Modric. He needs no introduction having won everything in club football with Real Madrid. Yet, Modric has shown again why size is nonsense in football and how grit and sheer determination can unlock doors. There are moments in our life that will not return with second chances. Success resides in such fine margins. The wisdom is in seizing YOUR own moment.

5. Success is always deliberate: France and African Teams
Take a bow, France. Alongside Croatia they gave us a final to remember. Yet France's rise to the pinnacle of world football is not accidental! France were in the 2006 world cup, they were at the 2016 European final and now now this. They were clearly building for this moment. A word for the French coach, Dider Deschamps. He was criticized for dropping Anthony Martial and Alex Lacazette from the team before the world cup. It was an unpopular decision but it has paid off. At times, the majority are not always right. Stand up for your unpopular decisons sometimes, even if you stand alone.
The flip side to France success is the African nations who all left the competition at the group stage. For all the despondency on the continent, there was no surprise here. The quality of football administration on the continent have been less than desirable. For the most part, mediocrity have been enthroned. Ours is a society where ethnic consideration are used as a yardstick to get into the national team. In the final analysis, the poor showing of African nations at the world cup is a reflection of the decadence on the continent.

6. Character is everything: Neymar and Maradona
Neymar arrived Russia as one of the most prominent names. In many people's eyes, he was the heir apparent to a throne long ruled by the dual talents of Ronaldo and Messi. Yet, Neymar leaves Russia with a diminished status. His antics and countless simulations on the pitch made him a laughing stock on social media. This reputation was so bad that there were times he didn't get what he rightly deserved on the pitch during the competition. It is also instructive that Real Madrid's pursuit of the Brazilian died a natural death as soon as Brazil was ousted from the competition. The hall of shame was also shared with the legendary Diego Maradona. He might be the greatest but his attitude in Russia was a reminder that character is everything.

7. Football is a powerful force: Diversity and Unity
In a world that is seeking to divide, quick to propagate hate and swift to rescind into cynicism, the 2018 world cup was a reminder that football is a great unifying force. The world cup defied colour, race and beliefs. Even if you are not a fanatic, you must have noticed the football festival. The sport remains the most popular in the world and this world cup reminded us why we all love football in the first place. Bring on Qatar 2022!

4 Hard Truths About Today that Will Make You a Stronger Person Tomorrow

1. Everything you love and everything you are comfortable with is changing.

Most of the things we desperately try to hold on to, as if they’re real, solid, everlasting fixtures in our lives, aren’t really there. Or if they are there in some form, they’re changing, fluid, impermanent, or simply imagined in our minds.

Life gets a lot easier to deal with when we understand this.

Imagine you’re blindfolded and treading water in the center of a large swimming pool, and you’re struggling desperately to grab the edge of the pool that you think is nearby, but really it’s not—it’s far away. Trying to grab that imaginary edge is stressing you out, and tiring you out, as you splash around aimlessly trying to hold on to something that isn’t there. Now imagine you pause, take a deep breath, and realize that there’s nothing nearby to hold on to. Just water around you. You can continue to struggle with grabbing at something that doesn’t exist… or you can accept that there’s only water around you, and relax, and float.

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go—whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss. Change is never easy—you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. But letting go is oftentimes the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxic attachments from the past and paves the way to make the most positive use of the present.

You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from some of the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.

2. 98% of the pain you feel today is self-created by your emotional attachments to the past.

If somebody is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow. You know this is true.

But, have you given yourself a fair chance to change and grow, too? Have you consciously loosened your grip on everything that’s behind you, so you can step forward again.

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere in the past. Remind yourself of a powerful lesson … a vital truth:

You can have a heartbreaking story from the past, without letting it rule your present. In the present moment, we all have some kind of pain: anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, regret, etc.

Notice this pain within yourself, watch it closely, and see that it’s caused by whatever story you have in your head about what happened in the past (either in the recent past or in the distant past). Your mind might insist that the pain you feel is caused by what happened (not by the story in your head about it), but what happened in the past is NOT happening right now. It’s over. It has passed. But the pain is still happening right now because of the story you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself about that past incident.

Note that “story” does not mean “fake story.” It also does not mean “true story.” The word “story” in the context of your self-evaluation doesn’t have to imply true or false, positive or negative, or any other kind of forceful judgment call. It’s simply a process that’s happening inside your head:

You are remembering something that happened.
You subconsciously perceive yourself as a victim of this incident.
Your memory of what happened causes a strong emotion in you.
So just notice what story you have, without judging it, and without judging yourself. It’s natural to have a story; we all have stories. See yours for what it is. And see that it’s causing you pain. Then take a deep breath, and another…

Inner peace begins the moment you take these deep breaths and choose not to allow the past to rule your present emotions.

Have faith in the NOW.

3. Many of the things you’d like to control today are better left uncontrolled.

Some things in life are worth changing and controlling. Most things are not.

Let that sink in for a moment.

This form of letting go is not giving up. It’s about surrendering any obsessive attachment to particular people, outcomes and situations. It means showing up every day in your life with the intention to be your best self, and to do the best you know how, without expecting life to go a certain way. It’s about focusing on what matters and let going of what does not.

The energy of someone aspiring to create something wonderful, teamed with this kind of surrender, is far more powerful and rewarding than someone determined to create outcomes with a desperate “must have” mentality. Surrender brings inner peace and joy, and lest we forget that our outer lives are a reflection of our inner state of being.

So, go ahead and put yourself back in control by letting most things be.

4. Your time today is more priceless and fleeting than it feels.

Too many of us wait too long to live our best lives. We keep putting everything that’s important to us off until tomorrow. Then, before we know it, we find ourselves asking, “How did it get so late so soon?” Or, we simply don’t have as much time as we expected.

Don’t let this be YOU.

Make today the beginning of your second chance at life. Take time to figure yourself out. Take time to realize what you want and need. Take time to take risks. Take time to love, laugh, cry, learn, and work for what you need. Life is shorter than it often seems.

Let this be your wake-up call to stop waiting.

What we do today day defines us! Tomorrow’s progress is always compounded by today’s effort, no matter how small.

Many wonderful little things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow. Take positive action and plant the right seeds in your life. Nature herself does not distinguish between what seeds she receives. She grows whatever seeds are planted. This is the way life works. Be mindful of the seeds you plant today, as they will become the crop you harvest tomorrow.

Truth be told, someday there REALLY won’t be a tomorrow! And this hard reality needs to be respected. I was actually reminded of all this earlier today when I was chatting with a 74-year-old friend, and she started our call by saying (I’m sharing this with permission): “Why didn’t I learn to accept and appreciate it all, and treat every day like it was the last time? Honestly, my biggest regret is how often I believed in tomorrow.” … May we all take heed to her words, and learn from them.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Politicians As The Bane Of Nigeria’s Problem

Part of my ‘getaway technique’ of coping with the myriad of Nigeria’s problems is to have healthy conversations with a few friends who share genuine passion about the state of affairs in the country. It is my opportunity to vent and shed off the burden of frustration that I live with every day as a citizen. Last week, I had a very healthy conversation with a bosom friend who is a popular face on Nigeria television and in the social media space. The discussion touched on a few ‘going on’ at the moment, more critically on the new chairman of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), Comrade Adams Oshiomhole. Inevitably, it delved into a conversation about the response and genuineness of our leaders to pivotal issues affecting ‘we the people.’ My friend put it nicely when he said:

‘The vast majority that constitute the political class have no care in the world for the suffering masses of Nigeria. I agree that you cannot change the system (to a considerable degree) unless you are inside, but, the APC today; in its composition & operation (which is reminiscent of its half-brother PDP) , does not hold any hope whatsoever for the common man. Our political system is set up to advance the selfish interest of a minority (who perpetuate themselves in power as a result of their control over the apparatus & apparatchik of state). They supplant popular interest by destroying the institutions that engender human capital development & in place; reward the people with pittance. Hunger is a powerful tool to whip us in line & keep us subjugated. I know some 'big' people in PDP & APC. You don't need to engage them in a robust conversation to know that to them: everything is politics & in politics, it's about interest. Sadly, it's their selfish interest. Greedy politicians don’t fall from the sky. They are all products of a defective system. Ours is made worse by what appears to be a helpless, apolitical & hopeless citizenry. For example, the World Health Organization (WHO) makes provisions for free distribution of insecticide treated nets to families in Sub Saharan Africa. Yet, some of our politicians collect them, then go ahead to monetize the process of distribution & stash their pockets with grants donated by donor agencies. Sadly, these political class control economic & political power. Only time will tell if we'll break free from the mental bondage which they have enthroned through ethnic & religious politics.’

As you’d imagined, it was a earful for me by the time we were done with our conversation. While running the risk of sounding like a broken record, it is true that we have our differences as people but the political class exploit and magnify those differences for their selfish interests. Their stock in trade have always been ethnic and religious sentiments. Without mincing words, politicians are the primary problem with Nigeria.

The next time you think of sticking your neck on the line for a politician, have a rethink. They have succeeded in coning the uneducated minds and have even done a fine job on some of the literate ones. The key is to be politically aware and always stand in the place of reason. We must demand accountability from our political class and be ready to call them out when we need to, irrespective of allegiance. Political loyalty is absolute gibberish in the context of the larger good. The future of this country is far more important than loyalty for any politician.

Short Reflection: Light and Shadow

One of the greatest lessons we learn in life is that we are often attracted to a bright light in another person. Initially, this light is all we see. It’s so bright and beautiful. But after a while, as our eyes adjust, we notice this light is accompanied by a shadow… and oftentimes a fairly large one.

When we see this shadow, we have two choices: we can either shine our own light on the shadow or we can run from it and continue searching for a shadow-less light.

If we decide to run from the shadow, we must also run from the light that created it. And we soon find out that our light is the only light illuminating the space around us. Then, at some point, as we look closer at our own light, we notice something out of the ordinary. Our light is casting a shadow too. And our shadow is bigger and darker than some of the other shadows we’ve seen.

If, on the other hand, instead of running from the shadow, we decide to walk towards it, something amazing happens. We inadvertently cast our own light on the shadow, and likewise, the light that created this shadow casts its light on ours. Gradually, both shadows begin to disappear. Not completely, of course, but every part of the two shadows that are touched by the other person’s light illuminate and disappear.

And, as a result, we each find more of that bright beautiful light in the other person.

Which is precisely what we have been searching for all along.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Mental Health: The Need To Talk

Thomas (not real name) had not been himself for the last two weeks. Though he often responded with ‘I’m fine’ when asked ‘How are you?’ every morning, his countenance was what gave him away. He wasn’t looking the part and the weak signals were glaring by the day. Yet, where Thomas worked, his friends and colleagues hadn’t picked up the weak signals. He had often wore a smile which was a complete façade that masked his misery, cleverly. I stumbled upon Thomas one day, when I discovered he was suicidal and had been on pills. He was going to take his life in twenty four hours. Every one of us has a ‘Thomas’ we know, that lives with us or that is among us. They are often normal people with seemingly no issues until they do the ‘unthinkable.’ Put more succinctly, you might just be a ‘Thomas’ yourself. Many of us are simply oblivious.

In this part of the world, we like to feign alien to some subjects. It is common place to hear people say things like ‘Suicide is not a Nigerian thing,’ ‘Lesbianism and Homosexuality is not Nigerian,’ ‘Depression is not our thing,’ etc. Such comments are complete hogwash. All of these things are human practices and the fact that is clandestine and hardly spoken about in this part doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

Back to the subject, mental health is real. People go through stuff and many people contemplate suicidal thoughts every now and then. Some might ask ‘What will really make someone want to take his life anyway?’ That very question miss the point. I have spoken to those on the verge and the reason to want to give up is what some people will classify as ‘flimsy.’ The point however, is that it is not in anyone’s place to dismiss the gravity of what another man is going through based on our own worldview. Some with suicidal thoughts will tell you that it is never one thing that is the issue. It is always one thing being magnified by another thing. The crux of the matter is that we all fight demons every day; and many fight them, silently.

The foregoing buttresses the need to be nice to everyone you meet. Life is hard enough for you to compound it with your unkindness. More importantly, always pick up the weak signals in people. Care and genuinely care. Ask people ‘How are you’ and mean it, not just as a cliché. Talk to people and saliently listen to what is being said and what is not being said. You might just be the reason someone decides to give life a second chance. Do not take this lightly.

And just in case you are depressed, you are tired and contemplating ending it all, step back and take another perspective. Thomas told me afterwards that all through the time he was going through the difficult patch and contemplating suicide, everything in his life seemed not to make sense. The events of his life was only fueling the case to end it all. He picked up the negatives in everything that happened to him during that time, and it all made sense to end it all. This means that those going through mental health are not rational thinkers; and that is the premise of the peril. The truth is that no matter what you are going through in your life, perspective is everything. It is often never as bad as you think it is. The devil and your perverse mind just conspire to make you think that nothing is working in your life. There is so much more working in your life than the things that are not working. Always put things in perspective, don’t lose your hope and never surround yourself with the wrong people. Most importantly, when life completely weighs upon you, speak to someone you can confide in. Don’t keep it to yourself. It will only kill you further, especially when you are at a breaking point. As the song writer said ‘Stay alive for yourself and for those who love you.’ And never forget, Jesus loves you. Completely.