2019 And The Search For A Third Force

It is one of the maladies of our electoral system that government literally plummets and enters a phase of stagnation on the eve of every general election year. What is even sadder is the fact that government funds meant for the collective good become earmarked for electioneering purposes, all to the detriment of the Nigeria state. Yet, these are hardly the issues on the front burner of many Nigerians. We have come to accept this as norm and rather keep our gaze on more weightier issues like ‘Ebuka’s agbada to the BAAD event’ and the ‘reconciliation of Davido and Wizkid’ at the latter’s Yuletide concert. After all, these are the issues that will help us temporarily forget about our sorry state in what Trump called a ‘shithole.’

However, at no time has an impending general election attained more significance in the history of our fledgling democracy than now. The stakes are at an all-time high, the issues are sacrosanct, the national pain is excruciating and most importantly, there is the urgency of now. It is public opinion that the government of Muhammadu Buhari for all its promises pre-2015, have fallen short of our collective expectations. The change it promised was so widely chorused, chanted across ethnic lines and believed beyond religious sentiments. The disappointments have been pronounced and while there are small victories here and there, the verdict that doesn’t require a jury to be delivered is that the government have fallen short. Those with vivid memory will recollect that it was in a bid to salvage Nigeria from a similar dire position that the APC was birthed and widely supported. It goes without saying that for many at the time, it was a case of ‘anyone but PDP.’ A case of the lesser evil. But Nigerians know better now. For the politically discerning among us, it was obvious in 2015 that the APC were no saints. The creation of the party was underlined by a hunger to wrestle power and not to bestow change. Change was merely the carrot they dangled.

Make no mistakes about it, there is zero difference between the APC and the PDP. They all belong to the same ruling class of the old stock. Dubious men and women primarily motivated by self-interest, greed and chauvinistic tendencies. 2019 is decisive because Nigerians have seen both worlds and are now convinced that we were conned all the while. Even the good book admonishes us not to put old wine in new wineskins. Why? It will always taste the same. There is the clamour for a new political party, the so called ‘third force.’ The need for this force to challenge the ruling class is salient but we need a lot to make this happen. The current number of registered political party in Nigeria stands at 60+. It is an astonishing number. If the ruling class will be shown the red card in 2019, there will be need for synergies, forged by a common goal to see a new Nigeria emerge. We the people must also wake up from our delusions. The sharp divisions on social media along ethnic, political and tribal lines is at an all-time high. Every discussion now snowballs into an ethnic war. We hate people we have never met because they hold a contrary political ideology from us, or based on the part of Nigeria they come from. We are quick to brandish our Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa emblem. It must always be about that. But don't get it twisted. The only true division in this country is 'the rich' vs 'the poor.' When all is said and done, the rich will take care of themselves. The rich will always be fine while the rest break their heads because they have some data to burn.

Depending on who you read, the population of Nigeria hovers around 180 million people with half of that number being those in the ‘30 & below’ age bracket. It is a staggering population explosion of young people and we must make this count beyond the jokes, frills, venting and sentiments on social media. The youth apathy in mainstream politics must be strangled. Now.

4 Powerful Lessons You Gradually Learn as You Let Go of the Past

1. You can have a heartbreaking story from the past, without letting it rule your present.

In the present moment, we all have some kind of pain: anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, regret, etc.

Notice this pain within yourself, watch it closely, and see that it’s caused by whatever story you have in your head about what happened in the past (either in the recent past or in the distant past). Your mind might insist that the pain you feel is caused by what happened (not by the story in your head about it), but what happened in the past is NOT happening right now. It’s over. It has passed. But the pain is still happening right now because of the story you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself about that past incident.

Note that “story” does not mean “fake story.” It also does not mean “true story.” The word “story” in the context of your self-evaluation doesn’t have to imply true or false, positive or negative, or any other kind of forceful judgment call. It’s simply a process that’s happening inside your head:

You are remembering something that happened.
You subconsciously perceive yourself as a victim of this incident.
Your memory of what happened causes a strong emotion in you.
So just notice what story you have, without judging it, and without judging yourself. It’s natural to have a story; we all have stories. See yours for what it is. And see that it’s causing you pain. Then take a deep breath, and another…

Inner peace begins the moment you take these deep breaths and choose not to allow the past to rule your present thoughts and emotions.

2. A big part of letting go is simply realizing there’s nothing to hold on to in the first place.

All of the things from our past that we desperately try to hold on to, as if they’re real, solid, everlasting fixtures in our lives, aren’t really there. Or if they are there in some form, they’re changing, fluid, impermanent, or simply imagined storylines in our minds.

Life gets a lot easier to deal with the moment we understand this.

Imagine you’re blindfolded and treading water in the center of a large swimming pool, and you’re struggling desperately to grab the edge of the pool that you think is nearby, but really it’s not—it’s far away. Trying to grab that imaginary edge is stressing you out, and tiring you out, as you splash around aimlessly trying to holding on to something that isn’t there.

Now imagine you pause, take a deep breath, and realize that there’s nothing nearby to hold on to. Just water around you. You can continue to struggle with grabbing at something that doesn’t exist… or you can accept that there’s only water around you, and relax, and float.

Today, I challenge you to ask yourself:

What’s something from the past that you are still desperately trying to hold on to?
How is it affecting you in the present?
Then imagine the thing you’re trying to hold on to doesn’t really exist. Envision yourself letting go… and just floating.

How might that change your life from this moment forward?

3. The subtle pain you continue to feel can be healed through compassion for those suffering alongside you.

When we’re still working through a painful experience from the past, it’s easy to feel like we’re going through it alone—like no one else could possibly understand how we feel. In a way, we subconsciously place ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything that happened exclusively from the viewpoint of how it affects us personally, without regard for anyone else. But as we grow through our pain and gradually broaden our horizons, we begin to see that our self-centered thinking is only fueling our misery. And we realize that shifting our focus onto others for a while can help.

It’s one of life’s great paradoxes: when we serve others, we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve. So whenever you feel pain from the past trying to suck you back in, shift your focus from your circumstances to the circumstances of those near and far.

The simplest way of doing this at any given moment?

Practice letting your breath be an anchor for global healing…

Breathe in whatever painful feeling you’re feeling, and breathe out relief from that pain for everyone in the world who is suffering alongside you.

For example:

If you’re feeling grief, breathe in all the grief of the world… then breathe out peace.
If you’re feeling anger, breathe in all the anger of the world… then breathe out forgiveness.
If you’re feeling regretful, breathe in all the regret of the world… then breathe out gratitude for the good times.
Do this for a minute or two as often as you need to, imagining all the pain of those near and far coming in with each breath, and then a feeling of compassion and reconciliation radiating out to all of those who are in pain as you breathe out. Instead of running from your past and the pain it caused you, you’re embracing it… you’re letting yourself absorb it. And you’re thinking of others as well, which gets you out of that miserable, self-centered mindset trap.

4. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for in the present.

Even when your past—your story—tries to pull you back in, you can consciously do your best to focus on your present blessings. What do you see in your life right now? Be thankful for it all. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home. Many people don’t have these things.

Also, remind yourself that the richest human isn’t the one who has the most, but the one who needs less. Wealth is a mindset. Want less and appreciate more today.

Easier said than done of course, but with practice it does get easier. And as you practice, you transform your past struggles into present moments of freedom. Ultimately, happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. At the end of this day, before you close your eyes, smile and be at peace with where you’ve been and grateful for what you have. Life is good.

(MARCANDANGEL).

10 Uncomfortable Things You Need to Do If You Don’t Want to Regret 2018

1. Challenge your understandings and certainties. – Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar territory. It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable. You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings and experiences. Your own perspective will become clearer when you look at things from different angles. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understandings of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.

2. Track how you invest your energy and make productive shifts. – To attract better outcomes in life, you have to become better on the inside. Again, you can’t do the same things and expect change. You can’t blame someone else. Take full responsibility for the next step. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Your life is 90% your choice! Seriously, don’t settle! Don’t exchange what you want most for what’s easiest at the moment. Study your agendas and routines closely. Figure out where your time goes, and remove needless distractions. It’s time to focus on what really matters.

3. Work diligently and consistently on meaningful goals. – When you focus your heart and mind upon a purpose, and commit yourself to fulfill that purpose through small daily steps, positive energy floods into your life. Sadly, many of us miss the mark. A few years ago when the Guardian asked a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware, about The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common regrets she noticed was that people regretted not being true to their goals. In fact, she said that most of the people she cared for admitted to not honoring even half of the goals that were meaningful to them, and so they ended up dying with regrets. Let this be your wake-up call! Good health brings a level of freedom and opportunity very few of us realize until we no longer have it. As they say, there are seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them.

4. Do the hard things. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easier. There are rarely shortcuts to any place worth going. Enjoy the challenge of your achievements. See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself. And realize that patience is not just about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your important goals. It’s knowing deep down that doing the hard things is worth it. Why? Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

5. Study your mistakes closely and learn from them. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to the places you want to go. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the heartbreak aside by refocusing your energy on the present step. Remember that life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place. And what’s better already is the more informed step you’re able to take right now.

6. Choose a positive and effective response. – Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with you. If you want life to be happier, you need to be mindful of your present response. It’s how you deal with stress in each little moment that determines how well you achieve happiness in the end.

7. Directly confront the thoughts that worry you. – A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by how you respond to them. Whenever our Getting Back to Happy course students and Think Better, Live Better conference attendees come to us feeling down about a life situation they can’t control, we typically start by reinforcing the hard truth: sometimes changing your situation isn’t possible—or simply not possible soon enough. But you CAN always choose a mindset that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control at any given moment. Here’s a powerful question that will support you with an attitude adjustment when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you removed the thought that’s worrying you?

8. Learn to be more human again. – Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away on your smartphone. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT!

9. Be strict about making time for the right people. – At some point, when it comes to relationships, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So be intentional about spending more quality time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember that nothing you can give them will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with them, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the highest form of compliment.

10. Choose yourself, too. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a top priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Love yourself first and foremost every day, instead of simply loving the idea of other people loving you. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you—choose yourself! And remember that once your needs are met, you will be better equipped and capable of meeting the needs of those few people who matter most to you.

(MARCANDANGEL).

Here We Go Again!

Happy New Year!

Few things compare to the enthusiasm and optimism that greets the dawn of a new year; especially in this part of the world. From prophetic declarations to thematic conjugations, the moment is met with genuine belief and hope that the new year will be substantially better than the preceding one. However, as the razzmatazz, fanfare and excitement gives way to the resumption of normalcy, a few things become sacrosanct.

It goes without saying that many had great aspirations for the year that ‘was’ (2017). For some, the year began with great promise but ended with big disappointments. There are always rationale to explain these things; but whatever your explanation is, one thing was clear: Life happened amidst your plans. It’s fine. 2017 is done and 2018 provides an opportunity to get it right so it is a bloody waste of time to cry over spilt milk. It’s like a football season; some teams with high expectations coming into the season feel short but every player looks to the next season to get it right. Some few thoughts that will help make 2018 a smashing year will suffice here:

Start early: There can be no one silver bullet that will make 2018 the year of your dreams. It will ultimately come down to an aggregation of factors. However, one thing you can do is to start early. I always like to say that the year starts in January, which is buttressing the point that some people seem to feel it’s a ‘bonus’ month. The celebrations are over; and if you need any confirmation just remember that work life has resumed in all parts of the world. Give yourself a head-start. Get out your 2017 goal sheet and break down those big targets into granular and tangible actions, then start implementing. 2018 belongs to the executioners and not the planners. Again, the time to start is now.

Stand for something: In a world that is continually trying to dictate to you on the values you should have, it is important to stand for something. Your convictions are pivotal. Your values are salient. These things should never be at the mercy of any sentiments or emotional considerations. Cut off who you need to cut off. Know that there will be noises and people will judge you when you end certain detrimental relationships that doesn’t line up with your convictions, and that is fine. At the end of the day, you are not answerable to man. Don’t let anyone toss you around and peddle their realities to you. If you have a personal conviction in God and had experienced his unfailing power, stick with him. If you have seen the blessings that comes from paying your tithe, continue therein. The world is full of opinionated people, and it is important to stand for something.

God first: One thing you can be sure of is that 2018 is not going to be for those that ‘merely work hard’. We all know many poor hard workers around us. Hard work, your intellect and abilities can never be enough. When all is said and done, the God factor can make the difference. Do your part. Get productive. Chart new territories but put God first. Seek his counsel and wisdom for every pivotal decision you make this year. Pray and study his word. It is a cliché but it is true that all you need is ‘One Word’ for that your situation. Spend quiet time with him and realize that prayer time should be a conversation moment. Keep a notepad handy for inspiration, ideas and implementation strategies always come from the unlikeliest of sources. Stay awake always!